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SCOLDED FOR 'FAILURE TO RIDICULE'
by Jade Carascel
(special to McGuffin's
The Untrue News)
Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman
told members of his party that they were failing in their
"to belittle and ridicule even the best ideas of our
enemy." Mehlman went on to say "And when I speak
of our enemy, you know I mean the Democrats. (cheers and
applause) Thank you. I haven't heard cheering like that
since Texas found out Sirhan Sirhan shot Bobby Kennedy."
The Chairman chided the capacity audience
at Amarillo's National Dilla Villa (formerly Potter County)
Stadium for not laughing more when Democrats attempt
to provide health care for the elderly, or raise the
minimum wage. "Let's say they complain about outsourcing
of jobs" he said. "And that our administration
is sticking it to the American worker. When they do that,
you just put your thumb to your nose, like this, waggle
your hand, and say 'nyah nyah, Clinton got a blowjob.'
Or suppose they say President Bush
lied about Iraq's possession of WMDs. You just do this.
Put your thumb to your nose, waggle your hand, and say
'nyah nyah, Clinton got a blowjob.' Do that a few times,
and by the time they get to the Dubai ports deal, you
can just start sticking your thumb in your mouth, if
you know what I mean." "The
need for mockery is all the more important when the enemy's
ideas are valid and we have no answers for them," Mehlman
continued. "Make sure your nyah's sound snotty and
childish." When a reporter
for a progressive newsletter asked if "snotty and
childish" represented the attitude of most Republicans,
Mehlman snapped "No! Now
go watch Clinton get a blowjob!"
WANTS TO BE BOMBAY AGAIN
The Indian city of Mumbai (formerly
Bombay) wants to change its name back again. The city
said it had been "smack in the middle of" a
blotter acid--crystal meth high and
"at the time thought Mumbai was the coolest name ever."
The city has since changed its mind. Emails expressing
support and sympathy have come from such diverse sources
as Sri Lanka (Ceylon), Myanmar (Burma), Congo (Zaire, Belgian
Congo, and Winona Ryder (Laura Horowitz)
CHENEY ONCE TOLD TRUTH.
Gave his correct address on work application
TO SODIUM AMYTAL by Olivia Vaughan-Meader,
In Next Week's Magazine Section.
For more Untrue News, see The collected
speeches of George W. Bush
|Editor & Publisher:
Reporters: Mark McGuffin, Shirley McGuffin, Mirabath Sangupta,
Dr. Mel E. Levine, Fats Abruzzo, Avon Proctor, Richard Millicent
Mile, Finian Feinstein, Jade Carascel, Casey Stukatz, Olivia
Vaughn-Meader. Layout & Art
Director: Lisa Axlerod
Lawsuits: Chayke, Raddel, & Rolle of New York.
Circulation. The Spam Factory LLC.
Makeup: Dawn Pendelton, Sahara LaCroix
Orchestrations: Global Natural Services Inc.
Accountant: Bresler, Bresler & Arlene PC CPA
McGuffin's The Untrue
News is Copyright 2012 by Fool Moon LLC, all rights reserved.