Military usage and the decreased production of crude oil by the OPEC cartel is said to be behind the dramatic rise in the price of gasoline. Untrue News analysts believe the price of gasoline will rise by ten cents a gallon, after which it will rise by 15 cents a gallon

Federal agents arrested four Hartford, Connecticut police officers last week, charging them with demanding sexual favors from prostitutes. Agents said the officers demanded sex in exchange for not arresting the women. Asked about their motives, officer Brian Reardon told Untrue News "we chose prostitutes because we got turned down a lot when we tried it at nursing homes."

Bob Dylan and Paul Simon are teaming up for a summer tour, managers for the musicians announced last week. In performance, Dylan and Simon will each do an electronic set, and then the two will get together for a third set.  The ticket prices will be the highest ever for a concert of this kind, with the best seats going for $150 or more, and concertgoers everywhere are asking the same question...how much just to see Simon?

Our Untrue News film critic Avon Proctor describes "The Matrix" as "an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a piece of shit."

 

Myron Thurl, author of "Our Friends The Trees" poses with his best buddy, a birch named Leon, in the backyard of his home in Mt. Vernon New York. Says Thurl "Leon has been like a father, a kid brother and yes, a lover to me."