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August 26, 2000

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SPECIAL NEAR THE END OF AUGUST ISSUE.

200 WAYS TO WIND DOWN YOUR SUMMER (p.7)
BUILD YOUR OWN YACHT FOR $1,000 (p.11)
ANIMALS MAKE GREAT PETS (p.21)
ADULT CONNECT-THE-DOTS (p.40)

 

YOU CAN'T GO ROAM AGAIN

Tariq Aziz, Foreign MinisterTariq Aziz, Iraq's deputy prime minister and spokesman for President Saddam Hussein, said in Baghdad that his government would not allow a new arms inspection team to visit Iraq, as called for in a Security Council resolution. Mr. Aziz told Untrue News: "There is no need for inspection. We have no nuclear weapons whatsoever, and we will employ the full force of these nuclear weapons we don't have against anyone who defies us."

 

MINOR MISUNDERSTANDING

An area man was arrested today on charges he used an illegal ID in an attempt to purchase alcohol. Sidney Robbins, 20, was released on $100 bond and ordered to appear in court on Tuesday. The legal drinking age is 21. A spokesman for the District Attorney's office said Robbins will be tried as an adult.

 

THE GREENING OF AMERICA

Sculptor Milton Gradzik about to demonstrate one use for his statue Green Goddess. "Aside from the artistic aspect" said Gradzik, "you can see there are several practical uses." The statue is made of fleshlike polymer resin with certain parts made of velvet. "I got the idea off a bottle of salad dressing." said Gradzik.

 

SPECIAL FALL PREVIEW: OUR TV AND TELEVISION CRITIC RICHARD MILLICENT MILE TELLS YOU WHAT SHOWS TO AVOID MISSING IF YOU CAN

The Fall Season
by Richard Millicent Mile, Untrue News TV and television critic

Well my dears, here are the shows the networks seem to think will be hot. They sent over some tapes of them, but I haven't watched any, I'm in more of a DVD mode these days. But looking over the press release, the following titles sound promising.

REALITY: 

WORLD'S MOST BOTCHED EXECUTIONS (Fox)

AMERICA'S FUNNIEST SURGICAL MISTAKES! (ABC)

ROPES. Sixteen strangers are tied together and thrown off a boat (CBS)

SITCOM: 

David David Spade stars in AS IF (ABC)
profile

Jon Lovitz is down on his luck in GET OVER IT (NBC)

Paula Poundstone

Paula Poundstone is WRONG FOR THE ROOM (CBS)

LOONEY BIN (Fox)

We aren't sure, but our guess is that the new hit of the year will feature either a hip-zany office gang supporting a central comic character, or be a home based show featuring a well meaning but bumbling husband, a frequently premenstrual wife, and intrusive parents. (CBS, NBC, ABC); LOONEY BIN. A family (the Looneys) so dysfunctional they live in the mental ward of a city hospital, except for their oldest son, who's a professional comedian. (Fox)

FANTASIES: 

PUSHIN' DAISIES. The spirits of two former criminals are punished by having to assume human form and go around interfering in people's lives for the better. (ABC)

PLANET PATROL--THE XARNAX TEAM. Teenage astronauts save the world from aliens (who think very much like adults) as members of the teen police squad of Galaxy Interpol based on the planet Xarnax. (SCIFI);

START THE MUSIC. America 10 years from now, when music rules and the best musicians become the leaders of the country. (MTV)

DRAMA: 

DOWN UNDER. Drama and then some in the lives of the staff members of Australia's largest burial franchise, who help police solve crimes. (NBC)

CHASE ME. A man, falsely accused of murdering his wife, eludes police and bounty hunters while trying to prove he was never legally married. (CBS) 

 

BREAKING STORY:
The television networks have announced the following title changes for their fall schedules. 

AS IF has been changed to DAVID SPADE.

GET OVER IT has been changed to THE JON LOVITZ SHOW.

WRONG FOR THE ROOM has been changed to POUNDSTONE.

 No reasons were given for the changes. Ta for now.  --RMM

MUSIC FOR THE MASSES

Young Catholics gathered outside Rome on Sunday for a Mass, celebrated by the pope, that closed the World Youth festival. More than two million young people prayed, sang, swayed and got sprayed with water hoses today at a Mass celebrated by John Paul II on a field near Rome. Asked why some chose to call it "The Catholic Woodstock" attendees said "It was outrageous. Holy water was selling for seven dollars a vial."

 

3544

One overwrought young girl burst through security lines on Saturday night and hurled herself into the frail pope's arms as if he were a pop star, and he gently patted her head as she wept on his shoulder. She was dragged off and beaten insensible by security guards.

 

Comedian Paula PoundstoneAmong the bands appearing at the Mass were 'NSanctum, a group clearly influenced by Smashing Pumpkins; Emineminem (Mary Mother of Mercy) a religio-grunge fusion band; and BoyzIINuns, whose gentle, romantic settings of parts of the Book of Numbers was the hit of the festival. The Pope's favorite comedian, Paula Poundstone, was also on hand dishing up stories between sets. Ms. Poundstone's American humor fared poorly with the crowd, most of whom did not speak English, and even worse with those who did.

 

McGuffin's Untrue News Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. Can't sleep? Our science editor Dr. Mel E. Levine recommends you start reading all the followup articles you can find on "Survivor." Sleep should follow very quickly.

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