<%@ Language=JavaScript %> December 30, 2000 Untrue News


 [2006 Issues]  [2005 Issues]  [2004 Issues]  [2003 Issues]  [2002 Issues]   [2001 Issues]   [2000 Issues]   [This week's Untrue News]
 

"Funnier than 'The Bridges of Madison County' " -- Noam Chomsky, NY Review of Books

SPECIAL YEAR-IN-REVIEW ISSUE! ARE WE READY FOR THE Y2K1 BUG?

"If we say it's untrue, there's no way you can sue."        December 30, 2000

DUKE NUKEM

President elect Dick Cheney has ordered a speech tutor for George W. Bush. Dr. Addison E. Sinclair, a phoneticist, will attempt to teach Mr. Bush how to pronounce the word "nuclear". President elect Cheney told Untrue News "If W. is perceived as having his finger on the button, he ought to learn how to say 'nuclear' and not 'nucular'  (sic) as he now does. It  makes him sound stupid." 

Asked if he was making progress, Dr. Sinclair said "I've been trying for two weeks. I've taught retarded children, I've taught autistic children, so I have a certain amount of patience, but this bozo...I just want to slap the guy."

BY THE NUMBERS

The US Census Bureau set the official population of the United States at 281,421,906. The Bureau went on to say that of these,  210,556,901 are hopeless dickheads.

WHITMAN, SPARE THAT TREE

President elect Cheney has named NJ Gov Christine Todd Whitman to head the Environmental Protection Agency. Governor Whitman said her first priority would be to allow logging of Redwood trees. "The Redwood is old, it is venerable, it is a mighty tree, giant and sturdy," said Whitman "But to be honest, that's why it makes such great lumber."

IN THIS ISSUE:

A Look Sideways.............................4
16 Traditional Tofu
      New Year Recipes...........................7
LETTERS: "You miserable
     unfunny queers"................................9
Readers Reply Poll: 
        The 50 Worst Beers of 2000..........14
The Y2K1 Bug. Have you
        REALLY got enough food...............18
How to gain weight after the parties....22
Miller's High Life wins
     Readers Reply Poll...........................26 

RHETORICAL QUESTION


"Please don't tell me how to unplug my own outdoor Christmas lights.  Do I look  stupid to you?  All I do is pull this out and..."

NEWS OF SHOW BUSINESS:

WHEN COMEDY WAS KING

My wife is learning how to drive...
She's taking a crash course.
(Bring your own drums)

 

TILL CASH DO US PART

The photos from the Michael Douglas--Catherine Zeta Jones wedding were sold to the highest bidder. Catherine Zeta Jones received five million dollars from Penthouse, with a like amount being paid to Mr. Douglas by AARP Magazine.

COST CONTROL

Disney Chairman Michael Eisner said the studio had entered into a "really unique" deal with all of  its talent involved in the production of its $125-million epic, Pearl Harbor. "The talent was so interested in making Pearl Harbor," Eisner told Untrue News reporter Avon Proctor, "that every one of them has taken a deferral of their fees. They will not get paid most of their compensation until we first recoup all our costs. In other words, they won't be making big money until we make big money ... and, quite frankly, I think we're all going to do very well, even after our head accountant screws them out of sixty or seventy percent of their share." 

SELL THROUGH THE PAIN

Melanie Griffith has found a new cure for what ails her. Since announcing that she was addicted to painkillers, the actress has been keeping a "Recovery Journal" (www.melaniegriffith.com). The latest installment directs readers to a site that hawks products for "magnetic healing." In a related story, Robert Downey Jr. has signed an agreement with Linstead Products, a company that makes short steel straws, tiny mirrors and single edge razor blades. 

CHILLY SCENES OF WINTER

 

Winter's first snowfall and a pedestrian hurries home in this artistic photograph taken in Winnipeg on August 14, 2000.

 

Copyright 2000-2001 by Fool Moon, LLC. All rights reserved.
From all of us at McGuffin's Untrue News:
Happy New Year; Safe New Year. Take your choice.

 

Log in to Chat
Who's online in Fool Moon Chat?
Send a message to Fool Moon by e-mail

 

Talk back to McGuffin

 

This issue is from
Dec.30, 2000

 

Click here for the latest issue

 

 

 

 

 

Log in to Chat
Who's online in Fool Moon Chat?
Send a message to Fool Moon by e-mail

 

 

This issue is from
Dec.30, 2000

 

 

Click here for the latest issue

 

 

 

Log in to Chat
Who's online in Fool Moon Chat?
Send a message to Fool Moon by e-mail

 

 

This issue is from
Dec.30, 2000

Happy
New
Year!

 

Click here for the latest issue

Send a message to Fool Moon by e-mail

 

Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News. No spam.

Keep reading, we aren't done yet.

[Current Issue] [2006 Untrue News Issues] [2005 Untrue News Issues] [2004 Untrue News Issues] [2003 Untrue News Issues] [2002 Untrue News Issues] [2001 Untrue News Issues] [2000 Untrue News Issues] [Table of Contents - Untrue News]  [Diebate]

The original content of Untrue News is Copyright 1997-2005 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. Photographs are used for satiric purposes only and may not be reproduced without specific permission of the original copyright holders. For text permissions, please write McGuffin@Untruenews.com

Link to McGuffin's The Untrue News!
Copy this graphic  : Copyright by Fool Moon LLC, 1997-2004 -- Untrue News  and link it to http://untruenews.com.