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February 5, 2000

SPECIAL ALL PICTORIAL ISSUE.

This special all pictorial issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is made possible by the Phillip Morris Tobacco Company makers of Phillip Morris and other fine brands of cigarettes, and by Pfizer Chemical, makers of potent anti-cancer drugs.  Phillip Morris Tobacco and Pfizer Chemicals ... partnering for profit, and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

 THE REAL THING

"These decoys look almost alive, don't they?"
     "Yes, especially the one in the baseball cap."

 

 WE ARE STARLIGHT, WE ARE GOLDEN

Carl Tesser makes sure he'll be first in line for Woodstock 2000.

 

 PERKS

State Troopers never have to pay for anything.

 

 CUSTODY

I've changed my mind, Larry, you can have custody."

 

HISTORY OF "THE SIMPSONS"

 

PART ONE.  THE FIRST WRITERS' MEETING
"So Bart says 'Eat my shorts!'"
"How about 'stick my shorts' or 'shove my shorts?'"
"I don't know...maybe 'smoke my shorts?'"
"Too drug related.  It should be 'kiss my shorts.'"
"Gentlemen, you're missing the big picture.  It's 'have dinner with my shorts.'  Now THAT'S funny."

 

 UNITED THEY STAND?

"...in the next category, "Who Would Step On Your Face For a Dollar?" the nominees are..."

 

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WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE SAYS:

William Shakespeare

"Attention now!  I call to those whose lives
Are by these pages affected and chang'd.
What creature base and foul could these reports
Amuse who would not to them the tribute
Pay of visiting one of their sponsors?
How low a dog would that monstrosity
Be who reads and laughs yet responds not to
This urgent pleading?

Time's a thief,  thy life away is ticking.
So hasten thee now to do some clicking.
Thanks a lot."

--Bill

 

NO ISSUE NEXT WEEK.  THE NEXT ISSUE OF MCGUFFIN'S UNTRUE NEWS WILL APPEAR ON FEB 19th.

McGuffin's Untrue News Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved.  Mr. Shakespeare appears courtesy of Oxford Press, publishers of "The Oxford Companion to Shakespeare" and "The Oxford Companion to Internet Lesbian Porn Sites" available at fine bookstores everywhere.

 

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