NOTE TO PARENTS:
McGuffin's Untrue News is rated PG, parental
discretion is advised, some issues may contain strong language, sexual
situations, desperate pleas for sex, our trademarked gratuitous hostility, false
accusations, tipping of sacred cows, artificial flavors and less than 1/10th of
1% benzoate of soda added as a dangerous chemical and preservative. For the
love of God, parents, keep your children away from here, it might make them
laugh. And we can't have that.
February 26, 2000
SPECIAL LEAP YEAR ISSUE,
featuring "CATS" and GEORGE W. BUSH
This issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to
you by Leap Year, the year that gives you one extra day at no extra cost. In
a world where people are always trying to steal your time, an extra 24 hours can
go a long way. Get the advantage. Extend your life. Postpone taxes. As
the song says "What a Difference a Day Made".
Leap Year--the extra day makes the choice obvious. This ad sponsored by the Leap
Year Council of America. (Ask your dealer about special February 29 discounts)
SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS...
When
reminded that he refused to criticize what some saw as anti-Semitic remarks made
by Pat Buchanan, that his campaign chairman used a mailing list purchased from
Klan leader David Duke, and that he jump-started his South Carolina primary
campaign at segregationist Bob Jones University, which leans towards
anti-Catholicism and forbids interracial dating, George W. Bush told Untrue News
"What's wrong with Christian conservatives being anti-Semitic, anti-Catholic, or
anti-black? I mean, if you take those things away from us, what the hell
have we got?"
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, FOLKS
An
actual quote from Republican presidential hopeful and Governor of the great State
of Texas, George W. Bush, when pressed about his association with Bob Jones
University: "How can you call me a bigot? Please. My little brother
Jeb married a Mexican girl."
AND LOWER IN CALORIES, TOO.
Board of Education Officials say the new school lunch program
should save the city millions of dollars a year.
"NOW AND FOREVER" MY ASS!
The
Broadway Musical, "CATS" will close on Broadway after a record-breaking 18
year run at the Winter Garden Theater. In honor of this occasion, please
click hereto hear our musical tribute to this long winded show. Long running show.
FAT CITY
People
will no longer be allowed to flash body parts for strings of colored beads at the
New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration. Police said they will arrest anyone
they see exposing breasts or genitalia in public. The ban on this time honored
flashing tradition was deplored by visitors, one of whom, Grant Spradlin of
Leominster, VA. told Untrue News: "Mardi Gras is the carnival just before Lent,
which precedes Easter, the holiest time of year for people of the Catholic faith.
During Lent we eat sparingly and spend our time reflecting on God and Jesus, and
we recognize that we are but poor sinners saved solely by the love of God's only
begotten Son. So I think we should be able to see some tits."
HOW TO GET RICH
"What? Windows 2000 crashes completely just before the release of
Windows 2001? You've done it again Bill, you're a damned
genius!"
Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News.
No spam.
Keep reading, we aren't done yet.
Squeaky Fromme says
"Hi everybody, I'm Lynette Fromme, but you
can call me "Squeaky." That's the name Charlie (Manson) gave me when I was
one of his Spahn Ranch family members so many years ago. Hey, so how you
all doin'? I guess you know I'm here in the federal joint at Mariana,
Florida doing life for attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford. It
was a dumb thing to do, but look, everybody makes mistakes. This was a
doozy, though, since I could have accomplished as much by cutting a branch
off a tree as by knocking off Ford. I know that now, but it's too late to change
anything except my attitude. So I'm feeling pretty good, I'm
positive, and I'm asking you guys to click on a couple of sponsors here at
Untrue News, my favorite web site. So have you heard anything about
Charlie? God I love that guy! I know some day...are you
clicking?...I know some day we'll be together in this world or another and...I
don't hear you clicking! I have a plastic comb here and I've honed the
handle to razor sharpness, you click or get cut that's the deal."
When
reminded that he refused to criticize what some saw as anti-Semitic remarks made
by Pat Buchanan, that his campaign chairman used a mailing list purchased from
Klan leader David Duke, and that he jump-started his South Carolina primary
campaign at segregationist Bob Jones University, which leans towards
anti-Catholicism and forbids interracial dating, George W. Bush told Untrue News
"What's wrong with Christian conservatives being anti-Semitic, anti-Catholic, or
anti-black? I mean, if you take those things away from us, what the hell
have we got?" 
An
actual quote from Republican presidential hopeful and Governor of the great State
of Texas, George W. Bush, when pressed about his association with Bob Jones
University: "How can you call me a bigot? Please. My little brother
Jeb married a Mexican girl." 
People
will no longer be allowed to flash body parts for strings of colored beads at the
New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration. Police said they will arrest anyone
they see exposing breasts or genitalia in public. The ban on this time honored
flashing tradition was deplored by visitors, one of whom, Grant Spradlin of
Leominster, VA. told Untrue News: "Mardi Gras is the carnival just before Lent,
which precedes Easter, the holiest time of year for people of the Catholic faith.
During Lent we eat sparingly and spend our time reflecting on God and Jesus, and
we recognize that we are but poor sinners saved solely by the love of God's only
begotten Son. So I think we should be able to see some tits." 
