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NOTE TO PARENTS: McGuffin's Untrue News is rated PG, parental discretion is advised, some issues may contain strong language, sexual situations, desperate pleas for sex, our trademarked gratuitous hostility, false accusations, tipping of sacred cows, artificial flavors and less than 1/10th of 1% benzoate of soda added as a dangerous chemical and preservative.  For the love of God, parents, keep your children away from here, it might make them laugh.  And we can't have that.

February 26, 2000

SPECIAL LEAP YEAR ISSUE, featuring "CATS" and GEORGE W. BUSH

This issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by Leap Year, the year that gives you one extra day at no extra cost.  In a world where people are always trying to steal your time, an extra 24 hours can go a long way.  Get the advantage. Extend your life. Postpone taxes.  As the song says "What a Difference a Day Made".
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Leap Year--the extra day makes the choice obvious. This ad sponsored by the Leap Year Council of America. (Ask your dealer about special February 29 discounts)

  SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS...

When reminded that he refused to criticize what some saw as anti-Semitic remarks made by Pat Buchanan, that his campaign chairman used a mailing list purchased from Klan leader David Duke, and that he jump-started his South Carolina primary campaign at segregationist Bob Jones University, which leans towards anti-Catholicism and forbids interracial dating, George W. Bush told Untrue News "What's wrong with Christian conservatives being anti-Semitic, anti-Catholic, or anti-black?  I mean, if you take those things away from us, what the hell have we got?"

  YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, FOLKS

An actual quote from Republican presidential hopeful and Governor of the great State of Texas, George W. Bush, when pressed about his association with Bob Jones University:  "How can you call me a bigot?  Please. My little brother Jeb married a Mexican girl."

  AND LOWER IN CALORIES, TOO.

Board of Education Officials say the new school lunch program should save the city millions of dollars a year.

  "NOW AND FOREVER" MY ASS!

The Broadway Musical, "CATS" will close on Broadway after a record-breaking 18 year run at the Winter Garden Theater.  In honor of this occasion, please click here to hear our musical tribute to this long winded show. Long running show.

 

  FAT CITY

People will no longer be allowed to flash body parts for strings of colored beads at the New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration.  Police said they will arrest anyone they see exposing breasts or genitalia in public. The ban on this time honored flashing tradition was deplored by visitors, one of whom, Grant Spradlin of Leominster, VA. told Untrue News: "Mardi Gras is the carnival just before Lent, which precedes Easter, the holiest time of year for people of the Catholic faith.  During Lent we eat sparingly and spend our time reflecting on God and Jesus, and we recognize that we are but poor sinners saved solely by the love of God's only begotten Son. So I think we should be able to see some tits."

  HOW TO GET RICH

"What? Windows 2000 crashes completely just before the release of Windows 2001?  You've done it again Bill, you're a damned genius!"

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Keep reading, we aren't done yet.

Squeaky Fromme says

"Hi everybody, I'm Lynette Fromme, but you can call me "Squeaky."  That's the name Charlie (Manson) gave me when I was one of his Spahn Ranch family members so many years ago.  Hey, so how you all doin'?  I guess you know I'm here in the federal joint at Mariana, Florida doing life for attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford.  It was a dumb thing to do, but look, everybody makes mistakes.  This was a doozy,  though, since I could have accomplished as much by cutting a branch off a tree as by knocking off Ford. I know that now, but it's too late to change anything except my attitude.   So I'm feeling pretty good, I'm positive, and I'm asking you guys to click on a couple of sponsors here at Untrue News, my favorite web site.  So have you heard anything about Charlie?  God I love that guy!  I know some day...are you clicking?...I know some day we'll be together in this world or another and...I don't hear you clicking!  I have a plastic comb here and I've honed the handle to razor sharpness, you click or get cut that's the deal."

McGuffin's Untrue News Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved.  Next week:  How Cigarettes Helped Me Cure My Nicotine Patch Addiction.

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