January 15, 2000
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UNTRUE
NEWS GOES PUBLIC! Like most Internet startup companies, Untrue News is going
public. As a special thank-you to our loyal readers, we are able to reserve
stock in Untrue News for you at the IPO price of only $21. per share. Whoa,
it's climbing, it's now $32.00 per share. Wait, it just climbed to $57.25.
Now it's $104. Better do a little profit taking. Ooops, it just
slipped back to $4.50. Sorry. 
Melissa
Etheridge revealed that the father of her children is David Crosby. Says
Etheridge "I selected David, because I really want my children to have the genes
of a big fat crack addict." 
The US
Supreme Court ruled this week that running from a police officer is sufficient
grounds for police to stop and search. According to Chief Justice William
Rhenquist, "This is great. We're not that far from 'use all necessary
force' which means the police can start shooting those darkies in the back when
they run."
Asked
whether he thought the use of the term "darkies" was not demeaning, inappropriate
and racist, the Chief Justice replied "Please--I was being as polite as
possible." Justice Clarence Thomas, in a separate opinion, agreed.
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RONALD McDONALD SAYS:"Oh man, if they catch me here, are they ever gonna sue these people, because I'm a trademarked symbol of McDonalds, but I just had to come over and ask you to please click on a couple sponsors right here at my favorite chat site, Fool Moon. See, for every click, another customer comes into a McDonald's restaurant. In fact, I'd say for every click about ten MILLION customers come into a McDonald's restaurant. Anyway, there are sponsors right here on this page. Please click on them. You're good people, I mean that. Have you ever considered clowning as a profession? |
McGuffin's Untrue News is Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon, LLC. All rights reserved. Please remember, if an Untrue News pollster comes to your door and asks you questions, tipping IS permitted.
