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January 15, 2000

This week's edition of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by Demi Moore and McDermott's Oil Drills. "Boring boring boring since 1981"

  UNTRUE NEWS POLITICAL SURVEY RESULTS:

10,452 readers replied to our most recent poll, and here are the results.  We asked "What is the most repellent feature of political campaigns?"  Your answers:

 Calls from Political Action Committees asking for donations...3%
 Mudslinging ads....4%
 The candidates....93%

YOUR OPINION COUNTS.  We welcome your views on any subject.  Send your opinion and ten dollars cash to McGuffin, Box 111, Arthur Lake, Minnesota.

  JUSTICE IS BLONDE

The U.N. criminal tribunal for former Yugoslavia found five Bosnian Croats guilty of crimes against humanity for the brutal killings of Muslims in a central Bosnian village in April 1993. HVO soldiers, with black-painted faces, burned houses, barns and livestock in the cold-blooded massacre. The soldiers will be sentenced under American law for murder and wearing blackface during the commission of a crime.

  HE CAN DRINK WATER AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME

Republican Presidential hopeful Gary Bauer is denying rumors that he spent three summers from 1976 through 1978 working in Catskill Mountain resorts as a ventriloquist's dummy named "Randy". 

  HE TRIPS THE LIGHT FANTASTIC

Local dancer Kerry Lingle Jr. stars in the recently discovered Ned Rorem ballet "The Giant Hand" now playing at Lincoln Center in New York.  Lingle dances the part of Norwood, an openly gay football player.

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