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January 29, 2000

This issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by the Committee to Elect Hillary Rodham Clinton the next Senator from New York.  Hillary Rodham Clinton--If she gave Letterman heart trouble, how bad could she be? 

  A VOTRE SANTE

A book by French prison doctor Veronique Vasseur has exposed horrid, inhumane  conditions at Paris' La Sante prison.  According to the book, inmates are frequently served red wine with fish, and are forced to shower twice a week.

  I WILL BE YOUR LONG LOST PAL

On Thursday, the President delivered a 90 minute State of the Union address, in which America learned for the first time that most of the best ideas of the Clinton administration came from Al Gore.

  DIM ALL THE LIGHTS, SWEET DARLIN'

Author Jeffrey Toobin's new book "A Vast Conspiracy" alleges that Lucianne Goldberg had an affair with US President Lyndon Johnson.  We don't know much here at Untrue News, but we'll bet our Bugs Bunny Pez dispenser that this affair took place in the dark.

  THIS WAY TO THE EGRESS

When workers at the Loomis Meat Packing Plant complained that they couldn't find the restrooms, executives quickly took corrective action.

  POLLED

A combined NBC News and Wall St. Journal poll shows that Vice President Al Gore has come within three points of George W. Bush.  In a related story, a fish died.

  YOU SHOW ME YOURS, I'LL SHOW YOU MINE

Dr. Helen Drury believes that sharing patients' confidential medical and psychiatric records with strangers promotes "an openness essential to healing."

The cast of the Blair Witch Project says:

HEATHER DONAHUE:  Hi, did you see the movie?  How did you like my nostrils?
MICHAEL C. WILLIAMS:  Listen dudes, do us a favor and click on one or two of the teriffic sponsors who support the Untrue News.

JOSHUA LEONARD:  Oh sure, it's fun to laugh, but try being in a movie as bad as Blair Witch and see how funny you think it is.

HEATHER DONAHUE:  No, really, how did you like them?  My nostrils, I mean.

MICHAEL C. WILLIAMS:  Our sponsors do their best not to interfere with the content of Untrue News, which is probably why it's as bad as it is, but still, you have to admire them for not censoring anything.  So please click on one or two of the ads.

JOSHUA LEONARD:  If you don't, "you know who" will get you.  Ahaha...just kidding.

McGuffin's Untrue News is Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC.  All rights reserved.  Jane Fonda--this is my second message to you.  I still haven't heard from you.  I have so much love to give.  I don't care about Viet Nam or anything like that.  What can you lose?  Call me.  --Mark McGuffin

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