This
issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by the Committee to Elect
Hillary Rodham Clinton the next Senator from New York. Hillary Rodham
Clinton--If she gave Letterman heart trouble, how bad could she be?
A VOTRE SANTE
A book by French
prison doctor Veronique Vasseur has exposed horrid, inhumane conditions at
Paris' La Sante prison. According to the book, inmates are frequently
served red wine with fish, and are forced to shower twice a week.
I WILL BE YOUR LONG LOST PAL
On Thursday, the
President delivered a 90 minute State of the Union address, in which America
learned for the first time that most of the best ideas of the Clinton
administration came from Al Gore.
DIM ALL THE LIGHTS, SWEET DARLIN'
Author Jeffrey
Toobin's new book "A Vast Conspiracy" alleges that Lucianne Goldberg had an
affair with US President Lyndon Johnson. We don't know much here at Untrue
News, but we'll bet our Bugs Bunny Pez dispenser that this affair took place in
the dark.
THIS WAY TO THE EGRESS
When workers at the Loomis Meat Packing Plant
complained that they couldn't find the restrooms, executives quickly took
corrective action.
POLLED
A combined NBC News and Wall St.
Journal poll shows that Vice President Al Gore has come within three points of
George W. Bush. In a related story, a fish died.
YOU SHOW ME YOURS, I'LL SHOW YOU
MINE
Dr. Helen Drury believes that sharing patients'
confidential medical and psychiatric records with strangers promotes "an openness
essential to healing."
The cast of the Blair Witch Project
says:
HEATHER DONAHUE: Hi, did
you see the movie? How did you like my nostrils?
MICHAEL C. WILLIAMS: Listen dudes, do us a favor and click on one or two
of the teriffic sponsors who support the Untrue News.
JOSHUA LEONARD: Oh sure,
it's fun to laugh, but try being in a movie as bad as Blair Witch and see how
funny you think it is.
HEATHER DONAHUE: No,
really, how did you like them? My nostrils, I mean.
MICHAEL C. WILLIAMS: Our
sponsors do their best not to interfere with the content of Untrue News, which
is probably why it's as bad as it is, but still, you have to admire them for not
censoring anything. So please click on one or two of the ads.
JOSHUA LEONARD: If you
don't, "you know who" will get you. Ahaha...just kidding.
McGuffin's Untrue News is Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon
LLC. All rights reserved. Jane Fonda--this is my second message to you.
I still haven't heard from you. I have so much love to give. I don't care
about Viet Nam or anything like that. What can you lose? Call me.
--Mark McGuffin
This
issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by the Committee to Elect
Hillary Rodham Clinton the next Senator from New York. Hillary Rodham
Clinton--If she gave Letterman heart trouble, how bad could she be?
A book by French
prison doctor Veronique Vasseur has exposed horrid, inhumane conditions at
Paris' La Sante prison. According to the book, inmates are frequently
served red wine with fish, and are forced to shower twice a week. 
On Thursday, the
President delivered a 90 minute State of the Union address, in which America
learned for the first time that most of the best ideas of the Clinton
administration came from Al Gore. 
Author Jeffrey
Toobin's new book "A Vast Conspiracy" alleges that Lucianne Goldberg had an
affair with US President Lyndon Johnson. We don't know much here at Untrue
News, but we'll bet our Bugs Bunny Pez dispenser that this affair took place in
the dark. 
