This issue of McGuffin's
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WHEN YOU'RE A JET YOU'RE A JET ALL THE WAY
The first crash of a supersonic Concorde jet occurred last
week outside of Paris. The Concorde fleet is jointly owned and operated by British and
French companies. The
British partner extended sympathy to the families of the victims, while the French partner
expressed relief that the dead were mostly Germans.
George W. Bush has selected his vice presidential running mate, former
Defense Secretary Dick Cheney. Meanwhile, Al Gore, in his search for an experienced Vice
President, chose Al Gore.
HOW TO WRITE GOOD
*NOTE: Other allegedly humorous publications
would go on and on with the above item about Al Gore, but we feel the joke is over in the
first sentence, why take up more space with it? For example, an inferior writer would
continue: "Nobody has more vice-presidential experience than I do" said the Vice
President as he nominated himself to be his running mate. "I get along with myself better,
I understand myself better, and I can damn well talk to myself better than ninety-nine
percent of these Washington hacks." (Then they'd go on even further, but we no longer wish
to live in that neighborhood.)
That's why we're proud that we at Untrue News don't waste
your time taking up space. The next time you read an item in which the author has beaten a
joke to death, you'll realize that you could have been reading "The Education of Henry
Adams" instead of lame variations on a theme, and you'll understand what we're talking
JOHNNIE COCHRAN FOR THE PLAINTIFF, YOUR HONOR
When mosquitoes believed to be carrying West Nile virus were
found in Central Park last Monday, Mayor Giuliani shut down the park for an entire night
while it was sprayed. By Tuesday, a coalition of muggers, purse snatchers and transvestite
prostitutes were suing the city for loss of income.
FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER AND THE MONEY
The WB Network demanded changes for its upcoming sitcom Grosse Pointe after
receiving a complaint from producer Aaron Spelling that one of the characters in the show
parodied his daughter Tori. WB chief Jamie Kellner told Untrue News "The character in
question was a real mouth-breather, an unattractive, spoiled, dull witted, talentless young
woman who had a minor acting career because of her powerful father. Aaron and I spoke on
the phone, and he said the character was too on the nose. I agreed with him."
SHE'S NOT WORTHY
Streisand told Untrue News she will end her concert career later this year, after four
performances, two in Los Angeles and the final two in New York City. However, Ms. Streisand
said she will continue to direct and star in self-indulgent, pretentious movies til she
THESE KIDS TODAY
"How can she wear that big lace collar? Man, they sure
had some stupid looking styles back then."
PRIZE MOVIE QUIZ ANSWER:
We were deluged with responses to our movie quiz, the
question was: Not counting "The Color Purple" and "The Blues Brothers", and not
counting television films, but counting voice-overs in feature films, who has been in more
bad movies, Dan Akroyd or Whoopi Goldberg?
ANSWER: There is no wrong answer here. Amazingly enough
they are tied with 57 bad movies each. Congratulations to our winners***!
***All winners will receive a trip at their own expense to
beautiful New York City or Hollywood California (their choice). Travel arrangements, meals,
fees, tickets, entertainment, tips and taxes are the responsibility of the winners. Untrue
News cannot be held liable for harm or damage caused by acceptance of, or failure to accept
this offer. Offer expires yesterday.