[2006 Issues]  [2005 Issues]  [2004 Issues]  [2003 Issues]  [2002 Issues]   [2001 Issues]   [2000 Issues]   [This week's Untrue News]
 

 

July 29, 2000

This issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by Colombia, supplier of high quality cocaine to America since 1847, and by Bolivia, supplier of high quality cocaine to America since 1847. Join with us today and help stop the burgeoning cocaine industry in Peru.

 

  WHEN YOU'RE A JET YOU'RE A JET ALL THE WAY

The first crash of a supersonic Concorde jet occurred last week outside of Paris. The Concorde fleet is jointly owned and operated by British and French companies. The British partner extended sympathy to the families of the victims, while the French partner expressed relief that the dead were mostly Germans.

 

  NEPOTISM

Al Gore | Photo: APGeorge W. Bush has selected his vice presidential running mate, former Defense Secretary Dick Cheney. Meanwhile, Al Gore, in his search for an experienced Vice President, chose Al Gore. 

 

  HOW TO WRITE GOOD

*NOTE:  Other allegedly humorous publications would go on and on with the above item about Al Gore, but we feel the joke is over in the first sentence, why take up more space with it? For example, an inferior writer would continue:  "Nobody has more vice-presidential experience than I do" said the Vice President as he nominated himself to be his running mate. "I get along with myself better, I understand myself better, and I can damn well talk to myself better than ninety-nine percent of these Washington hacks." (Then they'd go on even further, but we no longer wish to live in that neighborhood.)

That's why we're proud that we at Untrue News don't waste your time taking up space. The next time you read an item in which the author has beaten a joke to death, you'll realize that you could have been reading "The Education of Henry Adams" instead of lame variations on a theme, and you'll understand what we're talking about.

 

  JOHNNIE COCHRAN FOR THE PLAINTIFF, YOUR HONOR

When mosquitoes believed to be carrying West Nile virus were found in Central Park last Monday, Mayor Giuliani shut down the park for an entire night while it was sprayed. By Tuesday, a coalition of muggers, purse snatchers and transvestite prostitutes were suing the city for loss of income.

 

  FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER AND THE MONEY FOREVER AMEN

The WB Network demanded changes for its upcoming sitcom Grosse Pointe after receiving a complaint from producer Aaron Spelling that one of the characters in the show parodied his daughter Tori. WB chief Jamie Kellner told Untrue News "The character in question was a real mouth-breather, an unattractive, spoiled, dull witted, talentless young woman who had a minor acting career because of her powerful father. Aaron and I spoke on the phone, and he said the character was too on the nose. I agreed with him."

 

  SHE'S NOT WORTHY

Barbra Streisand told Untrue News she will end her concert career later this year, after four performances, two in Los Angeles and the final two in New York City. However, Ms. Streisand said she will continue to direct and star in self-indulgent, pretentious movies til she dies.

 

  THESE KIDS TODAY

"How can she wear that big lace collar?  Man, they sure had some stupid looking styles back then."

 

  PRIZE MOVIE QUIZ ANSWER:

We were deluged with responses to our movie quiz, the question was:  Not counting "The Color Purple" and "The Blues Brothers", and not counting television films, but counting voice-overs in feature films, who has been in more bad movies, Dan Akroyd or Whoopi Goldberg?

ANSWER:  There is no wrong answer here. Amazingly enough they are tied with 57 bad movies each. Congratulations to our winners***!

***All winners will receive a trip at their own expense to beautiful New York City or Hollywood California (their choice). Travel arrangements, meals, fees, tickets, entertainment, tips and taxes are the responsibility of the winners. Untrue News cannot be held liable for harm or damage caused by acceptance of, or failure to accept this offer. Offer expires yesterday.

 

McGuffin's Untrue News Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. Let's see if I remember. You say his name is Anthony. Is he the one who was just kicked off Survivor island, or the one cuddling with the punkette on Big Brother? Oh, wait, sorry, Anthony is my dad.

Our Staff

Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News. No spam.

Keep reading, we aren't done yet.

 

[Current Issue] [2006 Untrue News Issues] [2005 Untrue News Issues] [2004 Untrue News Issues] [2003 Untrue News Issues] [2002 Untrue News Issues] [2001 Untrue News Issues] [2000 Untrue News Issues] [Table of Contents - Untrue News]  [Diebate]

The original content of Untrue News is Copyright 1997-2005 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. Photographs are used for satiric purposes only and may not be reproduced without specific permission of the original copyright holders. For text permissions, please write McGuffin@Untruenews.com

Link to McGuffin's The Untrue News!
Copy this graphic  : Copyright by Fool Moon LLC, 1997-2004 -- Untrue News  and link it to http://untruenews.com.