This edition of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought
to you by The Gap, makers of t-shirts, tops, shorts and slacks in new cool pastels
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GET ME JOHNNIE COCHRAN
O.J.
Simpson's girlfriend allegedly attacked him last week at a Miami hotel, Dade
County police said. Both Simpson and his girlfriend, 25 year old Christie Prody,
denied the charges. Prody said she was chipping golf shots on the hotel lawn at
the time, and is launching a search for the real attacker.
OH THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL
In Manhattan, WCBS-TV weatherman Mark Danon was charged with
buying cocaine between his 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. broadcasts. Police said they
became suspicious of Danon when his 6 PM forecast included the prediction
"sunny and mild throughout the northeast, with two grams of snow on the corner
of 10th Avenue and 18th Street ."
PROFIT: IMPOSSIBLE
Paramount's Mission:Impossible 2 earned $59 million over the
first three days of the Memorial Day weekend. That's about three dollars per
explosion.
To
date Mission: Impossible 2 has grossed more than $75 million. However Exec
Producer Terence Chang told Untrue News "We don't expect any of our back end
profit participants to see any money. The film cost over $350 million to make
and promote." Asked to justify the high cost, Chang replied "Tom took 20 mil in
front. The shooting cost $10 million. The advertising and distribution cost was
another $10 million. That's $350 million right there!"
OH DAVE!
Five people
were killed and two more hospitalized after a brutal robbery-murder at a New
York City Wendy's. The deaths mark a first for Wendy's. Usually people who go
there just get really really sick.
TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW
Mary Venereal hears the ten millionth joke about her last name.
SCIENCE STRIKES
OUT
by Untrue News Science Editor Dr. Mel E. Levine
I
didn't get the gig I wanted, MC of the regular Monday Midnight Amateur Nights
at Smiley Face in Decatur, Illinois, but you can catch my act on Tuesday June
6, at the Nutt Hut in Tifton Georgia between Macon and Valdosta, a little
closer to Valdosta. I'll be opening for a very funny guy, Mr. Rob Bartlett.
All you good folks in the southern Georgia area please come on down. In the
field of science, I heard they were cloning sheep or something, wow, what
won't they think of next? It's pretty amazing. -- MEL
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Please welcome a new sponsor to Untrue News, Dr. Levy's fine
products
I
HAD THE TERRIBLE TWOS BLUES!
If you're the mom of a toddler, you know
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got tantrums, stubbornness, willfulness, rage, hysteria, violence, spit-up
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THE BEST AND
THE BRIGHTEST
We are the world,
We are the children,
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start givin'.
(If you'd like this FREE "We Are
the World" poster for your home or office, simply send ten dollars to
McGuffin, Box 111, Fairfield, Ohio 45014.Please add $16.95 S&H)
We
welcome our newest sponsor, Anheuser-Busch.
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O.J.
Simpson's girlfriend allegedly attacked him last week at a Miami hotel, Dade
County police said. Both Simpson and his girlfriend, 25 year old Christie Prody,
denied the charges. Prody said she was chipping golf shots on the hotel lawn at
the time, and is launching a search for the real attacker. 
To
date Mission: Impossible 2 has grossed more than $75 million. However Exec
Producer Terence Chang told Untrue News "We don't expect any of our back end
profit participants to see any money. The film cost over $350 million to make
and promote." Asked to justify the high cost, Chang replied "Tom took 20 mil in
front. The shooting cost $10 million. The advertising and distribution cost was
another $10 million. That's $350 million right there!" 
Five people
were killed and two more hospitalized after a brutal robbery-murder at a New
York City Wendy's. The deaths mark a first for Wendy's. Usually people who go
there just get really really sick. 
I
HAD THE TERRIBLE TWOS BLUES! 
Well,
I don't have the time or money to be running to Mexico but my friend does, and
she brought me back a bottle of Dr. Levy's Baby-B-Good. Or you can order it on
the Internet, at 
We
welcome our newest sponsor, Anheuser-Busch. 
