This edition of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought
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GET ME JOHNNIE COCHRAN
Simpson's girlfriend allegedly attacked him last week at a Miami hotel, Dade
County police said. Both Simpson and his girlfriend, 25 year old Christie Prody,
denied the charges. Prody said she was chipping golf shots on the hotel lawn at
the time, and is launching a search for the real attacker.
OH THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL
In Manhattan, WCBS-TV weatherman Mark Danon was charged with
buying cocaine between his 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. broadcasts. Police said they
became suspicious of Danon when his 6 PM forecast included the prediction
"sunny and mild throughout the northeast, with two grams of snow on the corner
of 10th Avenue and 18th Street ."
Paramount's Mission:Impossible 2 earned $59 million over the
first three days of the Memorial Day weekend. That's about three dollars per
date Mission: Impossible 2 has grossed more than $75 million. However Exec
Producer Terence Chang told Untrue News "We don't expect any of our back end
profit participants to see any money. The film cost over $350 million to make
and promote." Asked to justify the high cost, Chang replied "Tom took 20 mil in
front. The shooting cost $10 million. The advertising and distribution cost was
another $10 million. That's $350 million right there!"
were killed and two more hospitalized after a brutal robbery-murder at a New
York City Wendy's. The deaths mark a first for Wendy's. Usually people who go
there just get really really sick.
TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW
Mary Venereal hears the ten millionth joke about her last name.
by Untrue News Science Editor Dr. Mel E. Levine
didn't get the gig I wanted, MC of the regular Monday Midnight Amateur Nights
at Smiley Face in Decatur, Illinois, but you can catch my act on Tuesday June
6, at the Nutt Hut in Tifton Georgia between Macon and Valdosta, a little
closer to Valdosta. I'll be opening for a very funny guy, Mr. Rob Bartlett.
All you good folks in the southern Georgia area please come on down. In the
field of science, I heard they were cloning sheep or something, wow, what
won't they think of next? It's pretty amazing. -- MEL
Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News.
Keep reading, we aren't done yet.
Please welcome a new sponsor to Untrue News, Dr. Levy's fine
HAD THE TERRIBLE TWOS BLUES!
If you're the mom of a toddler, you know
exactly what I mean. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. You've
got tantrums, stubbornness, willfulness, rage, hysteria, violence, spit-up
food, destructive behavior and phlegmy summer colds.
Honestly, I tried everything, discipline,
rewards and punishment, extra love and attention, spankings, withholding food,
lucid explanation, but nothing I did worked. Then one day a friend told me
about Dr. Levy's Baby-B-Good. You can't get it here, but it's readily
available in Mexico. It's a great tasting chewable tablet kids will love.
I don't have the time or money to be running to Mexico but my friend does, and
she brought me back a bottle of Dr. Levy's Baby-B-Good. Or you can order it on
the Internet, at
http://Drlevysfineproducts.com . After the first dose, my shrieking two
year old was smiling and sitting calmly in a corner, playing with an imaginary
ball. It was the first time the house had been quiet for weeks. With continued
dosage according to package instructions, my toddler's behavior improved to
the point where he now sleeps most of the time. It's the best mothering
experience I've ever had. I'd recommend Dr. Levy's for any two year old. And
mom, save a couple tabs for yourself!
Dr. Levy's Baby-B-Good tablets, and Baby-B-Good
liquid come in smooth vanilla or tangy lemon flavor. Get over the "terrible
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THE BEST AND
We are the world,
We are the children,
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start givin'.
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welcome our newest sponsor, Anheuser-Busch.
"When you've exercised everything
else...don't forget your kidneys." Anheuser-Busch, since 1860 over ten billion