An Iranian defector who said he could prove Iran was responsible for the 1988 Lockerbie airliner bombing has been exposed by the CIA and FBI as an impostor, The Washington Post reported this week. Investigators said they had an inkling the man was a fake when they asked him for identification and he told them his dog ate it.

 

While the front page of the New York Times published a report indicating possible dire consequences as a result of global warming, Rush Limbaugh on his radio show said the Rain Forest was not in danger. A Save The Rain Forest spokesman told Untrue News "We could actually remove 40% of the noxious emissions from the atmosphere if we could only get Rush Limbaugh to shut up."

 

Don Imus was recently accused of bigotry for making racist jokes on his morning radio program. Speaking candidly to Untrue News, Imus said "I'm not a bigot."  Asked why he had no black employees or staff members, Imus growled "Look, not being a bigot and knowing who not to hire are two different things.

 

That's right. Run. Run like barnacles deserting a sinking ship. No wait, it's not barnacles, it's rats deserting a sinking ship. Go ahead, leave me here, run, scatter like monkeys when someone turns on the light. Oh no, that's wrong too, it's roaches that scatter, not monkeys. Damn it!  How can I have a violent revenge fantasy when I can't even get the similes right?  I am so useless!

Four women sued the Sheraton Hotel chain, claiming that they made far less money than male executives of the hotel and were routinely treated as though they were stupid. Defendant's attorney Trey Schallert pointed out that the four women were paid less because "they are part-time chambermaids, while the male employees named in the suit are executives." On hearing this, one of the plaintiffs, Arlene Brecher, sighed "I guess we're gonna lose on the stupid part, too."

 

British pop legend Elton John attacked the leader of Scotland's Roman Catholics Thursday for his "ignorance" over homosexuality. The gay singer was responding to an article written last week by Cardinal Thomas Winning in which the priest said homosexuals were ensnared in "a lifestyle that can never respond to the deepest longings of the human heart."  John, who lives with his long-time male partner, said "As a gay man I am perfectly happy with my sexuality and my life. I can honestly say that the deepest longings of my heart are satisfied, as I have my money and Maurice. And Darren. And Bertie now and again."  John did take the time to compliment the Cardinal's attire.