Speaking on Meet the Press last Sunday, Bush campaign manager Karl Rove heatedly denied that his staff made vicious anti-Semitic telephone calls to potential voters, telling Tim Russert: "Nobody formally associated with our campaign made those calls."  Leaders of the American Jewish Congress met on Monday to see just how far up Rove's ass they could shove the word "formally."

"How can you call me anti-Semitic?" whined Bush.  "I have a Jew lawyer and a Jew doctor."

Bob Jones University says it will abolish its prohibition of interracial dating after being severely criticized following Gov. Bush's speech there.  University spokesman Corey Mortimer told Untrue News "From now on, if a Catholic student wants to date a Protestant student, it's okay with us."  In a related story, the school said it has received thousands of orders for its colorful Bob Jones collegiate sweatshirts, featuring the University seal and the slogan "We Love BJ Girls".

Republican Presidential hopeful George W. Bush showed signs of fatigue this week when he fainted following a campaign appearance in St. Louis.  Bush's doctor told Untrue News "Luckily the governor is a premature ejaculator, so he came to quickly."

Fox Television Network is denying rumors that their president, Doug Herzog, may be trying to get out of his contract and leave the network.  Associates say Herzog is annoyed about being blamed for the network's ratings decline, pointing out that he inherited a number of program commitments and deals from his predecessor.  An exec at another network told Untrue News that Herzog was being unfairly blamed, saying  "How can you be expected in a year to do anything but find your way to the bathroom"?  Fox employees say that the smell coming from Herzog's office proves he hasn't even done that yet.

The German version of the TV show Big Brother, in which a group of contestants is required to live together for 100 days with their every move watched by TV cameras, touched off angry political debate following its debut Wednesday, with many demanding that it be banned at once.  Hearing that the show was a gross violation of privacy, offended human dignity, and glorified the lowest and basest elements of humanity, CBS immediately optioned it for six nights a week beginning this summer.

Hilary Clinton marched down 5th Avenue in New York's Gay and Lesbian Irish parade last week.  The first lady said it was a special honor for her to be asked to march in the parade, since she's not Irish.

"But this IS my genuine smile."