This weeks edition of McGuffin's Untrue News
is brought to you by Paddy Irish Whisky, the alcohol delivery system favored by
those who know whisky inside and out. Paddy--when your stomach says "no"
Paddy says "yes!"
WATCHING THE IRISH REEL:
the traffic is stopped and the music it rankles
The puke on Fifth Avenue's up to your ankles
The vomit is green
From each Kelly and Breen
And that can be seen
Every March seventeen.
THERE ARE NO LOSERS--ONLY NON-WINNERS
McCain withdrew from the Presidential race after losing several state primaries
to George W. Bush. Hearing the news, Bush said to his aides "So now I'm the
PREACHING TO THE CHOIR
"Yo! I'm a wigger,
With my finger on the trigger,
Gonna kill a couple cops to make
My reputation bigger."
JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?
1970's musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" is being revived on Broadway. Those who
believe in a God whose vengeance is swift and merciless will find their faith
sorely tested when they learn that composer Andrew Lloyd Weber and director Tom
O'Horgan are still alive and healthy.
...AND THEN YOU DIE
president Herb Scannell is hailing the success of his company's low-budget movie
"Snow Day", which has earned $49.3 million in four weeks. "We will make more
money than 'The Beach,'" bragged Scannell. Interviews with people collecting
unemployment insurance in Toledo, Ohio, indicate that they too will make more
money than "The Beach"
HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
Several unions representing civil service employees are unhappy with the
city's new method of dismissing workers.
IT TAKES A THIEF
Computer hacker Dennis Moran, of Wolfboro Vermont, who is known by the screen
name "Coolio", said he is not responsible for last month's massive attack on
Yahoo and Amazon.com. Arrested by the FBI, Moran told Untrue News, "Maybe
if I looked less like a girl, I wouldn't have to hack your stupid web sites in
the first place."
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