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March 11, 2000

SPECIAL ST. PATRICK'S DAY EDITION

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This weeks edition of McGuffin's Untrue News is brought to you by Paddy Irish Whisky, the alcohol delivery system favored by those who know whisky inside and out.  Paddy--when your stomach says "no" Paddy says "yes!"

  WATCHING THE IRISH REEL:

Oh the traffic is stopped and the music it rankles
The puke on Fifth Avenue's up to your ankles
The vomit is green
From each Kelly and Breen
And that can be seen
Every March seventeen.

  THERE ARE NO LOSERS--ONLY NON-WINNERS

John McCain withdrew from the Presidential race after losing several state primaries to George W. Bush.  Hearing the news, Bush said to his aides "So now I'm the President, right?"

  PREACHING TO THE CHOIR

"Yo! I'm a wigger,
With my finger on the trigger,
Gonna kill a couple cops to make
My reputation bigger."

JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?

Musical Composer Andrew Lloyd WebberThe 1970's musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" is being revived on Broadway. Those who believe in a God whose vengeance is swift and merciless will find their faith sorely tested when they learn that composer Andrew Lloyd Weber and director Tom O'Horgan are still alive and healthy.

...AND THEN YOU DIE

Unemployment Line In New York CityNickelodeon president Herb Scannell is hailing the success of his company's low-budget movie "Snow Day", which has earned $49.3 million in four weeks. "We will make more money than 'The Beach,'" bragged Scannell. Interviews with people collecting unemployment insurance in Toledo, Ohio, indicate that they too will make more money than "The Beach"

  HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW


Several unions representing civil service employees are unhappy with the city's new method of dismissing workers.

IT TAKES A THIEF


Computer hacker Dennis Moran, of Wolfboro Vermont, who is known by the screen name "Coolio", said he is not responsible for last month's massive attack on Yahoo and Amazon.com.  Arrested by the FBI, Moran told Untrue News, "Maybe if I looked less like a girl, I wouldn't have to hack your stupid web sites in the first place."

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McGuffin's Untrue News Copyright 2000 by Fool Moon LLC.  All rights reserved. If St. Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland, how do you explain the Irish Republican Army?

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