HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU: THE LATEST ON
THE ARAB-ISRAELI CONFLICT
We understand there is some trouble going
on in Israel, with Israelis and Palestinians at war. Well, that's been going on
pretty much forever, hasn't it? We'll bring you the latest developments if anything
happens that hasn't been happening since 1946. Peace out!
SOME ARE LESS EQUAL THAN OTHERS
Britain's major broadcasters
issued a manifesto calling for specific increases in the employment of minorities
in the television industry. To prove the point, Carlton TV's CEO Clive Jones sent
his staff a terse two word memo reading "More Pakis".
LISTENING TO THE CANDIDATES DEBATE
It isn't clear who won the second
Gore-Bush debate this week, but a rumor is circulating that following the
broadcast, both candidates' urine tested positive for steroids.
Following a growing trend started
by the motion picture and television industries, police surveillance photos are
now featuring product placements.
Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News.
Keep reading, we aren't done yet.
NEWS OF SCIENCE AND MEDICINE BY OUR SCIENCE REPORTER Dr. Mel E. Levine:
I auditioned for "Show Time at the
Apollo" but apparently they're either not producing it any longer or my comedy was "too
white" for them or something, but I never heard back. I thought I did really well. On the
scientific front, there is good news and bad news. THE GOOD NEWS: A study in the journal
SCIENCE states that because of advances in medicine, people may live to be 130 years old
or more. THE BAD NEWS: Strom Thurmond is only 97. --MEL
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LET HER SING
Laura Ingraham is suddenly being touted (by her press agents) as a political
Asked about her qualifications for the role of political analyst, Ms. Ingraham said something, but the reporter assigned to the interview was unable to
hear her answer when the sound of her voice made his eardrums bleed, causing
temporary deafness. Untrue News has learned that Ingraham's voice is registered
with the Washington D.C. police as a lethal weapon.
AND IF SHE WERE TWINS, SHE'D BE TWICE
her decision to appear topless in her upcoming film Swordfish, Halle Berry told the
showbiz publication Daily Variety, "Maybe you donít want to see me naked, but it is
not about that. Itís about what I want and whether this role will challenge me."
Asked if everything on earth was about her, Berry nodded modestly. Later Berry
claimed her statement "Maybe you don't want to see me naked" was meant as humor.
"Who wouldn't want to see me naked?" she laughed.
DONUT GETS FROSTED
Hitchhiker Ron Romano, dressed as a
donut, told our photographer he didn't understand why he wasn't getting his hoped
for ride. "I've been standing here with my thumb out for seven hours" said Romano.
"I'm ready to give up and take the bus."
PEOPLE SEE FACE OF JESUS IN UNTRUE
People have been flooding our
phone lines and email to tell us that if they click on a certain Untrue News
sponsor, they see the face of Jesus. We can't tell you which sponsor, as we are not
allowed to solicit your clicks. Hey, we don't even know if it's true or not. Enough
This issue of McGuffin's Untrue News is
sponsored by: THE McGUFFIN
Ever since it stopped being illegal to deface
government coins, we have been offering these investment quality coins to collectors.
Most private mints and coin dealers offer standard red white and blue colorized
versions of US Coins, but we go one better. We offer coins which have been hand dipped
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that you might find in your purse or pocket right now.
That's what makes this offer so exciting! If you
were to buy a colorized Sacadajawa or however the hell you spell it dollar, you'd pay
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THE McGUFFIN MINT, Box 111, Williamsport, PA
McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2002 by Fool Moon
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