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SPECIAL "NO REFUNDS, NO RETURNS" ISSUE.

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD

"If we want to introduce responsible behavior to America, people must behave responsibly." -- George W. Bush, televised speech Dec 10 2002.

READING FOR PEACE

Last week McGuffin's The Untrue News received a copy of the 12,000 page Iraqi weapons report, and will comment on it as soon as we're through reading it. At this time we're on page 17.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...

Community leaders' comments on Trent Lott's resignation:


"A great tragedy for America." Rev. Jeffrey L. Berry, National Imperial Wizard, KKK
 


"Our country will be worse for his departure." Leo Felton, Aryan Brotherhood


"We hate to see him go, we really hate it." Matt Hale, founder, World Church of the Creator


"Thank God he'll still be in the Senate where he can continue his good works." Rocky Suhayda, leader, American Nazi party.
 


"Huh? Who? I think I'm wet again." Senator Strom Thurmond (R-South Carolina)

GOOD TIMES

 

Senator and Mrs. Trent Lott in happier days.


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Keep reading, we aren't done yet.

GEORGE W. BUSH LOVES THAT BJ

No sooner had Trent Lott resigned his position as Senate majority leader when white house spokesman Ari Fleischer found himself facing questions about whether George W. Bush regretted speaking at conservative Bob Jones University, which at that time (the year 2000) banned interracial dating among students. Untrue News spoke to University president Dr. Bob Jones III, who told us "We don't do that anymore.  As of last month, we're only accepting white students, so the policy is moot."

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Rush Limbaugh's annual new year's eve party is always a festive occasion

POT CALLS KETTLE BLACK

The conservative group Accuracy in Media is stepping up its criticism of Fox News host Bill O'Reilly. Contributing editor Cliff Kincaid took O'Reilly to task for his liberal views on the death penalty, global warming and homosexuality, as well as an interview with the owner of a legal brothel in Nevada. "This is the kind of story that makes conservatives wince" said Kincaid. "What about the morality of having sex with strangers outside of marriage?"

McGuffin's The Untrue News interviews Cliff Kincaid.

Mark McGuffin: Mr. Kincaid, what is the "liberal" view of global warming?
Cliff Kincaid: That it exists.
MM: What is the liberal view of the death penalty?
CK: That it's an inappropriate punishment for children.
MM: And the liberal view of homosexuality?
CK: That the death penalty is inappropriate for that too.
MM: About having sex with strangers, how do the conservatives feel about that?
CK: It's totally, absolutely, unequivocally wrong.
MM: Why?
CK: Read the Bible.
MM: The Bible has many instances in which people have sex outside of wedlock.
CK: That's just the old testament, it doesn't count as scripture. Why do you think they call it "old?"
MM: Doesn't Jesus save Mary Magdalene?
CK: Yes, but he didn't have sex with her.
MM: How do you know?
CK: Because sex outside of marriage is evil, sinful and wrong.
MM: Why?
CK: Because the Bible says so. The 7th commandment is "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery."
MM: You just said the old testament doesn't count as scripture.
CK: Don't try to twist my words.
MM: As a Christian, do you believe in "love the sinner, hate the sin?"
CK: I'm an Ultra-conservative Christian. I hate the sinner and the sin."
MM: I see.
CK: I pretty much hate everyone.
MM: You'd like the world to be as you believe it should be.
CK: Not me, as Jesus said it should be.
MM: Didn't Jesus say "let he who is without sin cast the first stone?" Isn't that against the death penalty?
CK: There you go with that whore Mary Magdalene again. You're obsessed with sex.
MM: What did Jesus say about global warming?
CK: Since global warming doesn't exist, Jesus had nothing to say about it. Look Mr. McGuffin, I urge you to repent your journalistic ways and join us, be reborn and find salvation through the lord Jesus Christ.
MM: Would I have to hang out with people like you?
CK: Yes.
MM: Pass.

SURVIVAL OF THE WHITEST

David Duke, the former Ku Klux Klan leader and politician who spent the last three years overseas preaching "white survival," pleaded guilty in a Louisiana court to mail fraud and filing a false tax return. Duke could be sentenced to as much as 15 months in prison, where it's likely he'll learn a lot more about white survival.

OUCH, THAT HURTS!

After an investigation so complex it took 14 years to complete, American financier George Soros was found guilty of insider stock trading and fined 2.3 million dollars. Mr. Soros, a billionaire many times over, took out his wallet and asked if he could pay the fine in cash.

News of Show Business

OUT OF THE CLOSET, OFF OF YOUR SCREEN

Liza (with a Z) Minelli and David (with a gay) Gest are suing TV channel VH-1 for millions of dollars after their reality show was cancelled. Producers at VH-1 deemed Gest impossible to work with after he insisted that members of the film crew wear surgical booties to keep from tracking dirt through his swanky digs, and refused to let his wife appear for filming. Asked why Gest ruined what could have been a major financial and career opportunity for Ms. Minelli, his attorney said "As you know, David is homosexual, and this is the only way he could think of to screw his wife."

 

McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2002-2003 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. A Parisian who insists you speak his language with complete precision = a French stickler.

 

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