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May 6, 2002 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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SPECIAL DARLING BUDS OF MAY ISSUE.
Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News. No spam. Keep reading, we aren't done yet. News of Show Business
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In some areas of Israel and the west bank some soldiers were
shooting and some people were killed and then there was a lot of screaming and shouting
and accusations back and forth and then someone else was shooting and some other people
got killed and for more news of the middle east, just keep reading this paragraph over
and over and over.
Living up to his campaign promise of strong
bipartisanship, President Bush announced today that he will be deploying several key
Democrats to volatile areas around the globe. Calling these areas “hotbeds of
anti-American aggression,” the president said he hopes the Democratic leaders will bring
stability to these regions, “or die trying.” 
Father Paul Shanley was arrested on charges of child rape last
week. Father Shanley's defense counsel argued that parents should have grown suspicious
when Father Shanley insisted the kids call him "Daddy".
Asked if the Pope's meeting with his American
Cardinals resulted in a decision that the Catholic Church will now have zero tolerance
for child abuse, Vatican spokesman Christopher Hurley told Untrue News: "Yes. And by zero
tolerance we mean not very much tolerance at all." 
"NBC officials have received a turndown on their fifty million dollar offer to
former President Bill Clinton to host a weekly talk show. According to NBC spokeswoman
Hannah Wheeler, "Talks fell apart when Clinton wanted the guests to enter from under his
desk."
HEY TYSON, BITE THIS!
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FOX TO HIRE EX-PRES.
"I'll deal with issues that are of interest to women" the
former president told Untrue News. "Such things as prostitution, pornographic modeling,
sexual issues of all kinds, the proper age of consent, beauty contests, and so on. One
of the real fun things about the show is, the guests
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It will cost $54.95 to watch the Mike Tyson-Lennox Lewis fight
on pay-per-view TV on June 8. Dividing the cost by the amount of time the fight will
take, it comes to $54.95 per minute. 
The Fox Network is said to be developing a talk
show for former President Bill Clinton. Called "From Under My Desk" the show will
feature women who have been successful in films, stage work, and video cassettes.
NOTE: From time to time Untrue News will accept advertisements from qualified advertisers who conform to our stringent requirements, or from those with deep, deep pockets.
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I helped the enemies of the United States grow fat and rich. " |
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"I was just driving my car." | |
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"I helped finance terrorist organizations." | |
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"I'm a trucker by profession, that's all." | |
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"I helped subjugate women, deny them education and the right to work." | |
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"I was only heating my home. It's how I heat my home." | |
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"I helped pay for the explosive vests worn by terrorist bombers." | |
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"By lubricating my hinges?" | |
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"I helped sponsor some of the most repressive dictatorships in the world." |
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"I just needed an oil change." |
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Sponsored by the US
Government's War on Oil. |
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McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2002 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved. For text permissions write mcguffin@untruenews.com. "Bipartisan Bush" Copyright 2002 by Ziggy Zubric, all rights reserved.
"If all the world's a stage, I've been wasting a lot of money on theater tickets." --Albert Einstein
