NOTE: McGuffin's The Untrue News has hopped on the
politically correct bandwagon of moral relativism. We've joined many news organizations and
television channels in refusing to refer to the Palestinian suicide bombers as "terrorists."
We will henceforth identify them as "assholes."
LATE NEWSFLASH: On Sunday, another suicide bomb attack in
Netanya, Israel, took three lives, two human beings and one suicide
WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD BUSH?
News reports suggest
that information about the Sept. 11 WTC attacks was known by the FBI and CIA before the
event occurred, and that George W. Bush had the information but did not act on it. Some
Democrats are jumping on the "bash Bush" bandwagon, asking "what did the President know,
and when did he know it?"
However, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer defended Bush, telling Untrue News "The
President didn't know anything then, he doesn't know anything now, he will never know
anything, so just let him do his job."
LET A SMILE BE YOUR KA-BOOM
Accused American terrorist Luke Helder, the "smiley
face" mailbox bomber, spoke to his parents last week after they made the journey from
their Minnesota home to visit him in prison. It's a double tragedy for the
parents...having a son like that AND living in Minnesota.
In a related story, it gives one a warm, comforting feeling to know that
even as we read these words, Luke Helder is getting bubba-buggered by three guys named
Cletis, Elwood and Jasper.
SHE'S AT HOME, AND A BROAD
to last week's Untrue News Quiz:
The Question: How can we get the Republican party's favorite Nazi
apologist Ann Coulter to shut her mouth?
100% of the respondents correctly answered "Ask her for a blowjob."
RUSH TO FATNESS Several months ago, in an attempt to increase the sagging ratings for his
radio show, Rush Limbaugh told his listeners he would soon be profoundly deaf, and was
being treated in a hospital, but reporters checking his story could find only one brief
hospital stay, for liposuction. Asked by Untrue News whether he had been truthful with his
devoted listeners, Limbaugh said "My deafness was caused by fat around my ears. I had to
have liposuction on my big fat fucking head." Limbaugh went on to say that despite lying
to everyone, he is still a truthful person.
At a recent meeting, local zoning board officials respond to a request
asking members who can't be bribed to stand up.
Get a reminder when we publish NEW Untrue News.
THE PREMIERE OF MCGUFFIN'S THE UNTRUE NEWS GOES DISCO The vagaries of television being what they are, very few of our
readers saw our premiere television show "McGuffin's The Untrue News On The Air." That was
the title selected over the second place "McGuffin's The Untrue News Goes Disco" which
we thought was too retro.
We were unprepared for all the problems associated with taping a television
program. We had a great idea for a first show--a discussion of the middle east crisis. We
thought we had an excellent lineup, with Avram Steinstein speaking for Israel and Ruhollah
Shahiri speaking for Palestine. However, at the very last minute, Mr. Shahiri ate some bad
goat meat and became ill. We cast about for a replacement, and one hour into what would have
been our starting time, we were able to get a celebrity, who needed the publicity, to sit in
for Mr. Shahiri.
Because Public Access Cable in Booneville, Kentucky gets few viewers,
especially at 4:45 AM, we thought you might enjoy the transcript of what we hope will become
a weekly television feature. Please click on this link to read the transcript of our premiere
broadcast of McGuffin's The Untrue News Goes Disco: CLICK HERE FOR TRANSCRIPT.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Fans of the former band Devo greet
incoming passengers at Dallas International Airport for no particular reason
LETTERS TO MCGUFFIN'S THE UNTRUE NEWS
"McGuffin, I really am thinking of suing you for slander and libel. I do
not shut my mouth when asked for a blowjob, quite the contrary. Everybody knows this."