George W. Bush told the American people that to avoid war, Saddam
Hussein must strictly comply with all US conditions, including turning over all weapons of
mass destruction, all biological weapons, and all related materials. The Iraqi leader must
also learn three romance languages fluently in a month, lose sixty pounds, tap dance on a
rolling barrel, and eat 62 hot dogs in five minutes.
A WIN/WIN SITUATION
Yasir Arafat has proposed a peace plan, said by Arab leaders to be the best so
far, and the one with the most chance of success. Arafat's plan would turn the country of
Israel over to Palestine, while at the same time setting up tax-free reservations where
Jews could live, and giving them exclusive ownership of the area's gambling casinos.
Israel is expected to reject the proposal out of hand.
READ MY BRIEFS:
REPUBLICANS SWEEP NATIONAL ELECTIONS America rushes headlong into 20th Century.
HOUSE AND SENATE NOW CONTROLLED BY REPUBLICANS Only advantage: Alec Baldwin may leave country
PRESIDENT SEEKS MORE TAX CUTS $100. for you, $10,000,000 for Bill Gates
MONDALE LOSES WELLSTONE'S SEAT IN MINNESOTA Jubilant Republicans call for "more dead Democrats"
REPUBLICAN OF THE YEAR AWARD PRESENTED Grateful politicians give prize to Ralph Nader
WAR WITH IRAQ NOW A CERTAINTY Bush promises war will end just before 2004
Presidential election.
THIS WEEK'S WINNERS OF THE McGUFFY, THE AWARD GIVEN TO
PEOPLE WHO MAKE OUR LIVES A LITTLE BIT WORSE, AND OUR OUTLOOK A LITTLE MORE CYNICAL.
Congratulations to dual winners:
1. The mutawa, the Saudi Arabia religious police, who
refused to permit rescue workers to save 15 female students from a fire that broke out in
their school because the girls' heads and faces were not covered. The girls burned to
death.
2. Federal District Court Judge William Shubb, for striking down a law requiring felons
convicted of violent crimes who are on probation to submit to DNA testing.
Congratulations, boys. You'll have to work out some way to share
the trophy. Maybe Shubb could keep it for six months then mail it to the mutawa, and they
could mail it back six months later or whatever.
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THIS IS YOUR DRAIN.
THIS IS YOUR DRAIN ON BUGS.
PARISIAN POX
The Washington Post reports that the CIA believes four nations
-- Iraq, North Korea, Russia and France -- have secret stashes of smallpox virus. The French smallpox virus is thought to be superior
because it comes with a lovely sauce and a supple Beaujolais.
SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR
On a positive note this Thanksgiving we are
grateful that Ann Coulter did not die a slow agonizing death following months in a
hospital after breaking every bone in her body due to her self-defenestration from the
seventh floor of the Empire Hotel, one of New York City's premiere hotels, close to
Lincoln Center, The Metropolitan Opera and Central Park. The Empire, luxury accommodations
at reasonable prices.
McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2002 by Fool Moon LLC.
All rights reserved. Attention IRS Agent Sandy McAllister: I do not share your view
that my check received by you six months and seven days past due date constitutes a "late
payment" in any meaningful sense of the term.
George W. Bush told the American people that to avoid war, Saddam
Hussein must strictly comply with all US conditions, including turning over all weapons of
mass destruction, all biological weapons, and all related materials. The Iraqi leader must
also learn three romance languages fluently in a month, lose sixty pounds, tap dance on a
rolling barrel, and eat 62 hot dogs in five minutes.
Yasir Arafat has proposed a peace plan, said by Arab leaders to be the best so
far, and the one with the most chance of success. Arafat's plan would turn the country of
Israel over to Palestine, while at the same time setting up tax-free reservations where
Jews could live, and giving them exclusive ownership of the area's gambling casinos.
Israel is expected to reject the proposal out of hand.
1. The mutawa, the Saudi Arabia religious police, who
refused to permit rescue workers to save 15 female students from a fire that broke out in
their school because the girls' heads and faces were not covered. The girls burned to
death.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
smallpox virus. The French smallpox virus is thought to be superior
because it comes with a lovely sauce and a supple Beaujolais.
On a positive note this Thanksgiving we are
grateful that Ann Coulter did not die a slow agonizing death following months in a
hospital after breaking every bone in her body due to her self-defenestration from the
seventh floor of the Empire Hotel, one of New York City's premiere hotels, close to
Lincoln Center, The Metropolitan Opera and Central Park. The Empire, luxury accommodations
at reasonable prices. 