by Untrue News
paranoid editor Hyman Hayden**
THE AEROSOL CAM
top secret intelligence journals and memos I have access to by
virtue of my implant are all lavish in their praise for the latest
technology in the war against privacy, the Aerosol Cam. Disguised
as a room freshening spray, the mist that is dispensed actually
contains a strong fragrance and thousands of tiny cameras.
The technology behind the aerosol
cam is based on chip miniaturization techniques not yet available
in the marketplace. The effect is that the cameras (the size of
the normal mist-droplet seen in most sprays) get into the carpet,
the cracks in the wood flooring, the upholstery, the fixtures,
everything in the room. And there they remain, sending back sound
pictures to a receiver more than fifty miles away (maximum). The
images are consolidated into a three-dimensional hologram of the
room in which the cameras are located. The current shelf life of
the shortest lasting aerosol cam under test conditions was three
weeks. The longest, four weeks, one day.
Once the mist has been sprayed in
the room, the cameras are virtually impossible to detect. When
they are in the can, they can be identified by the label
US GOVT TOP SECRET. AEROSOL CAM.
SPRAY CAN. USAPC-TS 7747138. TEST TEST TEST. AUTHORIZED USE ONLY.
SEE MANUAL BEFORE USING.
it is expected that this label will be replaced with normal
commercial product labels once the cams go into production.
Distribution is to be by "test market" deliverers, or as samples
delivered with the newspaper. Most people will be given normal
aerosol sprays but targeted individuals will be given the aerosol
cam. Cans of spray you purchase at the market are, at least for
the time being, safe.
Aerosol cams do not come under the
description of any eavesdropping apparatus described in the
wiretap laws of the federal government, so a warrant is not
necessary for their use.
My advice is to choose not to
accept anything (or anyone) that comes to your home unbidden with
anything resembling aerosol room freshener. Eschew them, friends.
Eschew them. No, I am not speaking Spanish, and I am not sneezing.
It's better to have a smelly room than to be spied on.
And you know, you use that spray in
the bathroom too.
Friends, wear your tinfoil caps. As
I have said so many times before, it must be real tinfoil. Not
aluminum. Aluminum attracts, tinfoil repels. I am in no way
connected to the aerosol or the tinfoil industry.
Because I have always taken
precautions, I have been able to spend a lifetime hunting for
aliens and as you know from some of my previous articles, I have
found them. My report, due in the fall of 2005, will tell
everything and name names. Good luck to you all.
is a member of the Paranoid Alliance for
Personal Protection (PAPP)
and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon.)