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THE BUCK STARTS HERE

Text of a speech given by George W. Bush at a nine million dollar a plate continental breakfast fundraiser in Chicago.

My fellow Christian-Americans.  (applause)

As you know, I usually begin my speeches with a little humor. And today I'm reminded of the farmer who went out in his field and found he had a talking cow. The cow told the farmer that the grass tasted kind of oily, so the farmer shot the cow, drilled for oil, and here I am.   (laughter and applause)

On a sadder note two American GIs were killed today on the streets of Baghdad. We mourn them, and all the soldiers killed in our righteous war against terrorism, and I say to our enemies, bring it on!  (applause)  But be warned here and now. The United States is not going to stand still for too many more of these killings. (sturdy applause)

Much has been made about the infamous "16 words" in my State of the Union Address. My fellow Christians, (applause)  it doesn't matter if there were 16 words, or 25, or 18, or some other number. What does the number have to do with it anyway? I was never that good at numbers. Do the math.

Now, our CIA is the finest agency in the world. And when they told me that Iraq had purchased weapons of mass destruction from Niger,  I was taken in. Not taken in, it's just that I believed their lies. No wait, that makes me sound stupid. (applause)

It's very possible that the CIA misled me,  or more likely outright lied to me, lied right to my face probably. (applause)

And probably lied to my backside too.  heh heh. aheh.  (silence)

But let's forget about the forged documents, and the incorrect intelligence about the yellow cake uranium. Just saying "yellow cake" makes me kinda hungry.  Unless you think of it as one of those urinal cakes, then it doesn't taste so good. (courtesy laughter)

Let's concentrate on the real reasons we went to Iraq. The weapons of mass destruction. We are continuing to search for them, and I am confident that one day we will find them. Iraq is a big country and we've only been invading it for a short time.  Give us a chance.

Casting aside the fake documents and the missing WMDs, let's talk about the chemical and biological weapons. Last week I said we'd found that mobile lab truck. Well, we've still found it, and there it is.  I'm sure if you go to your computers and google "Iraq mobile lab" you'll be able to see pictures of it. And we found it. And I'd like anyone to try and tell me those aren't pictures!  (heavy applause)

But if we put aside the fake documents and the unfound WMDs and the lack of chemical and biological weapons, we still have the Iraqi nucular weapons.  As my colleague Tony Blair discovered, Saddam had the ability to launch a nucular strike within 45 minutes. And even though this information proved to be totally false, still, just the thought of Saddam's being able to do that is reason enough for our incursion. (thunderous applause)

My fellow conservative Christians,  (applause)  even if everything I've just told you is a lie, even if it is, don't forget about the recent intelligence showing positive links between Saddam and Al Queda and Al Aqsa and Hamas and Hermann Goering. And most important, the liberation of the great Iraqi people, which I'm proud to say has now been accomplished. (applause)

And because the Iraqis are liberated, each and every one of us here at home can feel much better.  (prolonged, enthusiastic applause) We can feel better about ourselves, about our lives, our jobs, our families, and most important, about our government. Whatever may befall the Iraqis, be it whirlwind, tempest, a fundamentalist Islamic regime, crime in the streets, chaos, the seven plagues of Egypt, cholera, looting, or death, it's better than Saddam Hussein!  (standing ovation, thunderous applause)

I don't know what the Iraqis say, but I'm sure the American people will agree with me on that. (continued applause)

Did I do the yellow cake joke? I did? All right, God bless every rich American, and let's eat!  (murmurs of agreement)

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