April12 2004

Dancing Iraqis celebrate their murder and desecration of bodies of Americans

WHERE IS SADDAM WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US

Jurors in the Deanna Laney case said that God's appearance on the witness stand convinced them to render a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity for the 39 year old Texas woman accused of stoning her children to death, because God told her to. Juror Mel Franklin said that "God was a very powerful, and a very believable witness." Another juror, Linda Ann Frazier commented "God didn't seem to be lying, and made a very impressive appearance on the stand. I think the defense was smart to call God."

God God only testified for a few minutes. After swearing on himself to tell the truth, God testified that "I did not tell her to kill her kids. She's crazy." a statement which jurors said clinched the case for them. The prosecution's cross-examination attempted to show that God's love for all his children was so great he didn't want to see any of them suffer. The jury rejected this notion.

God left the witness stand and disappeared before reporters could question him/her.

FOR THOSE OF YOU KEEPING SCORE:

"The devil made me kill my children." Andrea Yates. Verdict: Guilty.

"God made me kill my children." Deanna Laney. Verdict: Not guilty by reason of insanity.

"God told me to strike at al Qaeda and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did." George W. Bush. Verdict: Great world leader.

AMERICAN BANDSTAND

Richard Clarke

Excerpt from Richard Clarke's testimony before the bi-partisan intelligence committee:

FORMER NAVY SECRETARY JOHN LEHMAN: What is your biggest complaint about the Administration?

CLARKE: Nobody listened to me. They brushed me off, treated me like I didn't count for anything.

LEHMAN: I'm sorry, what?

Officials say that following the bi-partisan committee's sessions, Clarke will be questioned by the straight and gay partisan committees.

WORKING STIFFS

According to the Department of Labor, jobs increased by more than 300,000 in March, prompting elation in the Bush administration, In a related story, sources report that half of the 300,000 jobs were filled by illegal aliens, and most of the rest were participants in the Halliburton "Employee For A Day" program.

FAIR AND BALANCED.
A RESPONSE TO YOU LIBERAL ELITIST GAY-MARRIAGE LOVING PHONIES

by Henry "Hutch" Howell, Chairman, White Americans for Justice and Racism

Okay all of you leftist pigs who want to open up children's minds and put pornography into grammar school libraries, you godless northeast bleeding-heart elitist love Iraq Bush is Hitler one-world scholarship phonies, Here are eleven very good reasons why George W. Bush is NOT Hitler.

1. He's doesn't have a silly looking moustache
2. No one on his staff is named Goehring.
3. He doesn't even speak German
4. He didn't invade Poland
5. As far as we know, he isn't having sex with his young female cousin.
6. He hasn't forced his armies to goose-step.
7. He has not yet cancelled any national elections.
8. His dreams of world domination do not include the Sudetenland
9. Hitler is dead. George Bush is alive.
10.He doesn't hate Jews that much.
11.So there!

Henry "Hutch" Howell's latest book, "Liberals Want to Eat Your Babies" will be published by HHH Press this summer.

NEWS OF SHOW BUSINESS

The Entertainment Group, a company that holds the British rights to "Lord of the Rings" has topped the list of 100 private companies showing the fastest-growing profits. According to financial analysts, the only similar increase in profits came in the 1960's when the makers of Bambu cigarette paper suddenly experienced a 12 million percent growth in sales.

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RICHARD SIMMONS. by Terry Rogers. Might he be gay? Rogers looks at clues that may indicate Mr. Simmons is one of us.
CHRISTOPHER LOWELL. by Jay Bream. Come on Chris, you're not fooling us. You're really gay, aren't you?
BARRY MANILOW...hi. by Javier Lake. The author wishes Manilow were gay.
THE CAST OF QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY. by LeRoy Carlton. Which one is gay, can you guess?
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