Jurors in the Deanna Laney case said that God's
appearance on the witness stand convinced them to render a verdict of not guilty
by reason of insanity for the 39 year old Texas woman accused of stoning her
children to death, because God told her to. Juror Mel Franklin said that "God
was a very powerful, and a very believable witness." Another juror, Linda Ann
Frazier commented "God didn't seem to be lying, and made a very impressive
appearance on the stand. I think the defense was smart to call God."
God only testified for a few minutes. After
swearing on himself to tell the truth, God testified that "I did not tell her to
kill her kids. She's crazy." a statement which jurors said clinched the case for
them. The prosecution's cross-examination attempted to show that God's love for
all his children was so great he didn't want to see any of them suffer. The jury
rejected this notion.
God left the witness stand and disappeared before
reporters could question him/her.
FOR THOSE OF YOU KEEPING SCORE:
"The devil made me kill my children." Andrea
Yates. Verdict: Guilty.
"God made me kill my children." Deanna Laney.
Verdict: Not guilty by reason of insanity.
"God told me to strike at al Qaeda and I struck
them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did." George W.
Bush. Verdict: Great world leader.
Excerpt from Richard Clarke's testimony before
the bi-partisan intelligence committee:
FORMER NAVY SECRETARY JOHN LEHMAN: What is your
biggest complaint about the Administration?
CLARKE: Nobody listened to me. They brushed me
off, treated me like I didn't count for anything.
LEHMAN: I'm sorry, what?
Officials say that following the bi-partisan
committee's sessions, Clarke will be questioned by the straight and gay partisan
According to the Department of Labor, jobs
increased by more than 300,000 in March, prompting elation in the Bush
administration, In a related story, sources report that half of the 300,000 jobs
were filled by illegal aliens, and most of the rest were participants in the
Halliburton "Employee For A Day" program.
FAIR AND BALANCED.
A RESPONSE TO YOU LIBERAL
ELITIST GAY-MARRIAGE LOVING PHONIES
by Henry "Hutch" Howell, Chairman, White
Americans for Justice and Racism
Okay all of you leftist pigs who want to open up
children's minds and put pornography into grammar school libraries, you godless
northeast bleeding-heart elitist love Iraq Bush is Hitler one-world scholarship
phonies, Here are eleven very good reasons why George W. Bush is NOT Hitler.
1. He's doesn't have a silly looking moustache
2. No one on his staff is named Goehring.
3. He doesn't even speak German
4. He didn't invade Poland
5. As far as we know, he isn't having sex with his young female cousin.
6. He hasn't forced his armies to goose-step.
7. He has not yet cancelled any national elections.
8. His dreams of world domination do not include the Sudetenland
9. Hitler is dead. George Bush is alive.
10.He doesn't hate Jews that much.
Henry "Hutch" Howell's latest book, "Liberals
Want to Eat Your Babies" will be published by HHH Press this summer.
NEWS OF SHOW BUSINESS
The Entertainment Group, a company
that holds the British rights to "Lord of the Rings" has topped the
list of 100 private companies showing the fastest-growing profits.
According to financial analysts, the only similar increase in
profits came in the 1960's
when the makers of Bambu cigarette paper suddenly experienced a 12
million percent growth in sales.
mcguffin's the untrue news fake ad
MAGAZINE. "If you're in the closet, Mary, we're bringing
Subscribe now, don't miss the
following features in upcoming issues (if you'll pardon the
by Terry Rogers.
he be gay? Rogers looks at clues that may indicate Mr. Simmons
is one of us.
by Jay Bream.
Come on Chris, you're not
fooling us. You're really gay, aren't you?
by Javier Lake.
The author wishes Manilow were
THE CAST OF QUEER EYE
FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY. by LeRoy Carlton.
Which one is gay, can you
head of Christian Coalition. by Bosley Ferris.
He's so tightly wrapped with
baling wire, we can't get him out of that closet. He could be
straight, but not in our opinion.
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"Whether sea-going people were short of money about that time, or
were short of faith and preferred cork jackets I don't know: all I
know is, that there was but one solitary bidding, and that was from
an attorney connected with the bill broking business, who offered
two pounds in cash, and the balance in sherry, but declined to be
guaranteed from drowning on any higher bargain."