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HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING
OUT FOR US
 Speaking at a
ten million dollar a plate potato-chip snack conference in Houston,
George W. Bush discussed his election year budget. Here is a
transcript of his speech:
My fellow Christians. (applause)
As I'm sure you are aware, the war
in Iraq, the war to liberate the great Iraqi people has been and
will continue to be an extremely expensive endeavor. You have heard
from the liberal media that we are facing a record budget deficit. I
want the American people to understand that although this is true,
it was reported by the liberal media. (boos)
My budget for fiscal year 2005
takes the sometimes difficult but necessary steps to see that the
deficit narrows. Narrows enough to get me re-elected in 2004. Heh
heh. Aheh.
Drastic spending cuts will be
needed if we are to continue to support our military while at the
same time preserving capital for the wealthiest Americans.
(applause)
My tax cuts have already begun to
show their effects. We HAVE been able to make the rich richer. And
we HAVE been able to pretend that it doesn't matter. So that part of
it has been successful.
Now let me address the specifics of
my proposals. As I said, because of the terrist threats to our
nation, and because of Saddam's still unfound chemical, biological
and nucular weapons, spending for defense must increase. That is why
I have asked Congress to cut some health care funds. housing
allowances and retirement benefits for our veterans.
While this may sound like a
contradiction in terms, it isn't. Veterans, especially sick
veterans, are no longer on active duty, and are no longer able to
protect us from the chemical, biological and nucular weapons we have
not yet found in Iraq. Sacrifice is required not only from those who
enter military service, but from those who leave it as well.
With an election only ten months
away, I am certainly not going to raise taxes. (applause) I
would not raise taxes even if we really really needed the money.
(applause) Raising taxes is not going to get me re-elected, and
if we want to continue to sink deeper and deeper into this morass of
unemployment and depressed stock prices, I must be re-elected.
(thunderous applause)
Why is this important? Because as
soon as the stock prices drop low enough for my wealthy friends to
step in and scoop them up at bargain prices, the sooner they can
start pumping the stocks up to higher prices so they can sell them.
And higher stock prices are good for everyone. (applause)
We will also be cutting funds for
education. What good is education when a nation is threatened by
terrists? A bomb doesn't discriminate. It kills smart people just as
fast as it kills dumb people. And a dead smart person is a waste of
education.
We also intend to ask for a
decrease in funds for welfare programs, social security,
unemployment insurance, and Medicare. Not one of these programs does
anything to aid us in our war against terr.
At the same time, tax cuts which
benefit the richest Americans will be kept in place. (cheers and
applause) Let me tell you why. Cutting welfare, unemployment and
Medicare will cost poorer and older Americans approximately five
hundred dollars more a year. Cutting taxes on the very rich will
SAVE them upwards of one million dollars per year. Save one million
or spend five hundred, which would YOU rather do?
I will cut completely the National
Endowment for the Arts, (whistles, cheers, applause, stamping of
feet) The NEA does nothing but waste the taxpayers' money on
things like music, theater, art, and dance. If you want to
dance, go to a club. If you want music theater and art, go to
a concert, a play or an art gallery. Or carry a painting with you to
a theatrical dance and music concert and take care of everything in
one evening of fun. My fellow Christians, I am not against fun.
(bravos, cheers, applause)
Finally, it has been brought to my
attention that the cow infected with mad cow disease in Washington
State was a Holstein, I don't want to cast aspersions on all Jews
because of one lousy cow, but there it is.
Thank you, and may the Lord Jesus
Christ bless each and every one of you. (standing ovation) |
More Americans were killed on the streets of
Chicago in 2003 than were killed in Iraq. We are grateful to Fox News who
presented this heartwarming and reassuring statistic as something positive.
In our Readers Poll, published in a previous
issue, results were divided almost 50-50. We asked which was pumped up more,
Scarlett Johansson's lips or Bill O'Reilly's ego. 49% of the respondents said
Johansson, 51% said O'Reilly.
