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 Terri dies, continues responding to parents.

Terri SchiavoIn spite of Terri Schiavo's death at 9:30 AM (31 March 2005) her parents described her as "awake, alert,  and asking what happened on "Beverly Hills 90210" last week. In contrast to attending physicians and hospice care workers who described Mrs. Schiavo as "dead" her parents insisted she was communicative and feisty. Robert Destro, attorney for Terri's parents described Mr. and Mrs. Schindler as "delighted with Terri's progress" and Terri herself as  "communicative and feisty." He said Mrs. Schiavo's death will not stop his continued attempts to prevent her death. 

"Not while there's a penny left of the Schindler's money" vowed attorney Destro.

Enormous OmeletBurger King's new Enormous Omelet Sandwich carries 730 calories and 47 grams of fat and comes with two eggs, sausage, three strips of bacon and two slices of melted American cheese on a bun. Burger King said it created the sandwich to meet increasing consumer demand for large portions. Facing increasing competition, McDonald's is test marketing their new McPig Breakfast, a two pound pork sausage patty, breaded and deep fried in lard, six strips of bacon, six eggs, a hamsteak, and a 12-slice package of Kraft American Singles. The McPig weighs in at 15,000 calories and 212 grams of fat. Jason McCardle, a nutritionist for McDonald's told McGuffin's The Untrue News: "It's our way of saying 'make breakfast your only meal of the week.' "

Meanwhile, Wendy's is serving the "Big Dave" a hamburger said to weigh as much as Wendy's founder Dave Thomas did when he died.

Andy FastowHi, I'm Andy Fastow, former Chief Financial Officer of Enron. You know, when a man is indicted on 78 criminal counts, including fraud, money laundering, conspiracy, and obstruction of justice, it tends to cause tension. In spite of the vast wealth I've stolen from others, I frequently have trouble sleeping. That's when I head for my computer and McGuffin's The Untrue News. Just a few glances at the current issue, or a brief roam through the back issues, and I'm asleep in no time. Tell your friends. And if you can spare a few dollars to help me defend myself from these dreadful charges, please send it to me, Andy Fastow, Box 111, Chemical Spill, Oklahoma. I also accept Paypal at:




Douglas Sovereign Smith Jr., is expected to plead guilty today (March 30, '05) to charges of receiving images over the Internet in February of children engaging in oral sex, intercourse and other sexually explicit conduct. Smith, 61, was the Director of The Boy Scouts of America's Youth Protection Task Force, which is involved in protecting children from sexual abuse.

Norman Asburn, an attorney representing the BSA told McGuffin's The Untrue News "The children in the evidence photos were engaged in heterosexual pornography. I'm proud to say that we of the Boy Scouts of America do not permit homosexuals in our organization."

Jeff Gannon


Jeff Gannon says "When I want news, I come to my favorite blog, McGuffin's The Untrue News. They're right up my alley."



Our McGuffin's The Untrue News film and movie critic Avon Proctor offers the top five current bloopers, flubs and  mistakes from this week's X-rated dvd releases. If you are under 18 years of age please do not read any further,
okay? Thanks.

1. In "Meet the Fuckers" a scene takes place on what is obviously a Sealy Posturpedic mattress, but the mattress is labeled "Simmons Beautyrest."

2. Although "House of Whacks" is supposed to take place in 19th Century Paris, many of the performers have labial piercings.

3. In the orgy scene of "Lord of the Cockrings" the actor playing Golum is wearing a watch.

4. In "Go Down On Moses" during the Moses-Aaron-servant girl threeway in the desert, a car drives by in the  background.

5. In "Ream Me Up Scotty" the dog is not a Scotty but a Cairn Terrier.

Potato chip found on shroud of Turin.

shroud of turinA potato chip in the shape of a potato chip was found on the shroud of Turin last week by a custodian of the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Turin, where the shroud is stored in a special reliquary. No one is sure how the chip got there, but most observers know that food is not permitted anywhere near the shroud. "So it must be some sort of miracle then, right?" said tourist Edward Dagle of Ft. Dodge, Colorado. "Because no food is allowed there, right?"

The potato chip is being studied by a special Committee of Inquiry appointed by the Pope, to see if it is a genuine chip, and the oil stains on the shroud are being examined to see how long the chip has been there.

Bishop Fabrizzio Pantaleoni told McGuffin's The Untrue News "Think about it. It's not a chocolate chip cookie or  a lobster, it's a potato chip, an item on which the face of Christ has appeared in the past. If the face of Christ  appears on a potato chip, it is only fitting that a potato chip appears on the face of Christ. I am calling it a miracle."

There was no comment from the Vatican.



Armstrong Williams
"Speaking as an impartial journalist, Ican honestly say that McGuffin's The Untrue News is the best blog on the Internet." 

--Armstrong Williams

Muslims praying at a mosqueNOTHING UNSACRED

Fierce fighting continued today in Najaf, considered one of the holiest cities in Islam, while at the same time mortar fire and other military attacks continued in Falluja, one of Islam's holiest cities.

Small arms fire erupted in Karbala, the holiest city in the Muslim world, while in the holy city of Kufa, coalition forces cleared out a basement warren said to be housing members of Al-Qaeda, the holiest terrorist group in Islam.

In the Port city of Naf Shahr, one of Islam's holiest port cities, a cargo ship was searched for weapons and Al-Qaeda members, but none were found. That same day in Moweh Jabari's al-Difindi (Abu Yussef)'s Delicatessen, the holiest delicatessen in the Muslim world, patrons said they saw several shots fired from a passing red 1976 Saab V-4, the holiest car in Islam.

Several men drinking apricot juice, the holiest juice in the Muslim world and coffee said they heard the phrase "Allah Akhbar", the holiest phrase in the Muslim language, as the men fired. Two bystanders were killed and two children wounded in the drive-by shooting, the holiest type of shooting in Islam.

Meanwhile, the people of Mecca were said to be very upset.


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