TOP STORY:

Oprah Snubbed by Hermes

PARIS, France, Due to a mix-up nobody will ever really get to the bottom of, Oprah Winfrey was denied the opportunity to shop at the exclusive Hermes apparel shop on Paris' exclusive Rue St. Honore de Balzac. The exclusive shop, which caters to exclusive customers with high disposable income, is known for it's elegant, overpriced merchandise."It was discrimination pure and simple" said Oprah, close to tears. "To think that I should not be permitted to shopin one of the most exclusive and expensive stores in Paris...it breaks my heart. To be honest,it was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me in my life. I won't forget."

Asked to sum up the experience in a word, Ms. Winfrey replied "castrating."

AND THE BLEAT GOES ON

George W. Bush criticized the recent election in Iran, suggesting it was undemocratic in nature. "Today Iran is ruled by men who suppress liberty at home and spread terror across the world," he said. "Power is in the hands of an unelected few who have retained power through an electoral process that ignores the basic requirements of democracy."

In a related story, Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, who had been expected to win the Iranian election, criticized Mr. Bush, saying "Today America is ruled by men who suppress liberty at home and spread terror across the world, Power is in the hands of an unelected few who have retained power through an electoral process that ignores the basic requirements of democracy."

IRAQ - Marines on an operation to eliminate insurgents broke through the outside wall of a building in the small village of Karabila, to find a torture center equipped with electric wires, a noose, handcuffs, and four beaten and shackled Iraqis. "It took us quite by surprise" said Lt. Irwin C. Ackerman, whose men were leading the operation. "For a few minutes we thought we were back in Abu Ghraib."

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