HALLIBURTON CHOSEN TO REBUILD GULF COAST
by Mark McGuffin
Special to McGuffin's The Untrue News
President Bush, who cut his vacation short
to return to the White House in the wake of hurricane Katrina has
signed a no-bid contract with Halliburton to repair and rebuild
the cities of New Orleans and Slidell, La. and Gulfport and Port.
St. Louis Ms. as well as other areas destroyed or damaged by the
worst storm to ever hit the American coastline
Acting quickly to help restore citizen
confidence and ease anxiety, President Bush, speaking from the
rose garden, told the country that the rebuilding of
infrastructure was "too important to leave to the politicians.
Private business, specifically my friends at Halliburton, will be
able to handle the rebuilding efforts much more efficiently and
profitably than any government agency. It may cost us a few
dollars more, but the overall result will be well worth it. Well
Asked to put a specific figure on the
damages, the President responded "There is no money we won't pay
to Halliburton to get the job done. It's far too urgent to
quibble about a few hundred billion dollars here or there. For
that same reason, I have ordered no congressional oversight. When
congressmen start snooping around, it just slows things down and
confuses the issue."
Questioned about rescue operations and
health care for the stranded victims, many of whom have had
nothing to eat for several days, the President said "Yeah,
it was more important to get
this Halliburton deal on paper. Now I feel free to delegate some
of the day-to-day responsibilities to others, and by the way, I
thank my good friend Mister Dave Lesar, the chairman of
Halliburton, and of course I thank the Vice President, even
though he has nothing whatsoever to do with Halliburton any more,
nothing at all, I thank him for his co-operation.
"I flew over the area (of devastation)" the
President said, "and it looked flooded. You know, I understand
tragedy too. First Cindy Sheehan ruined my vacation, then this
hurricane Kathy thing makes me go back to work early. It's
frustrating. So I know how you feel.
Attempting to add some levity to the great
sorrow spread by Katrina, President Bush said, in a final remark
"As an adopted Texan, I always knew the people of Louisiana were
all wet. Heh heh. Aheh."