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MUMBAI WANTS TO BE BOMBAY AGAIN
By Shirley McGuffin

The Indian city of Mumbai (formerly Bombay) wants to change its name back again. The city said it had been "smack in the middle of" a blotter acid--crystal meth high and  "at the time thought Mumbai was the coolest name ever." The city has since changed its mind. Emails expressing support and sympathy have come from such diverse sources as Sri Lanka (Ceylon), Myanmar (Burma), Congo (Zaire, Belgian Congo, and Winona Ryder (Laura Horowitz).

 

NEWLY DISCOVERED DOCUMENT REVEALS:

CHENEY ONCE TOLD TRUTH.

Gave his correct address on work application in 1955.

Read IMMUNE TO SODIUM AMYTAL by Olivia Vaughan-Meader, In Next Week's Magazine Section.

REPUBLICANS SCOLDED FOR 'FAILURE TO RIDICULE'
by Jade Carascel 

(special to McGuffin's The Untrue News)

Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman told members of his party that they were failing in their responsibility "to belittle and ridicule even the best ideas of our enemy." Mehlman went on to say "And when I speak of our enemy, you know I mean the Democrats. (cheers and applause) Thank you. I haven't heard cheering like that since Texas found out Sirhan Sirhan shot Bobby Kennedy."

 
The Chairman chided the capacity audience at Amarillo's National Dilla Villa (formerly Potter County) Stadium for not laughing more when Democrats attempt to provide health care for the elderly, or raise the minimum wage. "Let's say they complain about outsourcing of jobs" he said. "And that our administration is sticking it to the American worker. When they do that, you just put your thumb to your nose, like this, waggle your hand, and say 'nyah nyah, Clinton got a blowjob.'  Or suppose they say President Bush lied about Iraq's possession of WMDs. You just do this. Put your thumb to your nose, waggle your hand, and say 'nyah nyah, Clinton got a blowjob.' Do that a few times, and by the time they get to the Dubai ports deal,  you can just start sticking your thumb in your mouth, if you know what I mean."
 
"The need for mockery is all the more important when the enemy's ideas are valid and we have no answers for them,"  Mehlman continued. "Make sure your nyah's sound snotty and childish."
 
When a reporter for a progressive newsletter asked if "snotty and childish" represented the attitude of most Republicans, Mehlman snapped "No!  Now go watch Clinton get a blowjob!"

 

NEWS OF SHOW BUSINESS

NOBODY'S PERFECT. OUR OWN INEPTNESS.

Back in late October of 2002, Caroline Rhea visited five American cities, including Milwaukee, in search of a talented but unknown comic who would appear on the talk show she was then hosting. McGuffin's The Untrue News would have reported this at the time had we known about it. Our apologies to Ms. Rhea and to our readers.

 


NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF SPORTS


Anabolic and corticosteroids can have a positive effect on your physique, but a deleterious effect on your mental state and well-being, say people who have watched news programs. It's our feature story next week, watch for PUMPIN' IRON -- INTO YOUR HEAD  by Casey Stukatz.

 

 

 
For more Untrue News, see The collected speeches of George W. Bush

 

Editor & Publisher: Mark McGuffin
Reporters: Mark McGuffin, Shirley McGuffin, Mirabath Sangupta, Dr. Mel E. Levine, Fats Abruzzo, Avon Proctor, Richard Millicent Mile, Finian Feinstein, Jade Carascel, Casey Stukatz,  Olivia Vaughn-Meader.
 
Layout & Art Director: Lisa Axlerod
Lawsuits: Chayke, Raddel, & Rolle of New York.
Circulation. The Spam Factory LLC.
Makeup: Dawn Pendelton, Sahara LaCroix
Orchestrations: Global Natural Services Inc.
Accountant: Bresler, Bresler & Arlene PC CPA
 

McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2006 by Fool Moon LLC, all rights reserved.

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